The best couples therapy is having a drink with your single friends. Well, the ones who are actively pursuing a relationship, that is – those content with solo life are danger zones, greener grass-wise.
But a few dating horror stories, a reminder of the realities of the apps, and suddenly marriage appears positively blissful by comparison, even if you were googling divorce lawyers on the way in. (An opening gambit one potential suitor sent after matching with my mate lives rent free in my head forever: “I want to smell your breath.”)
No wonder the hottest night out in trendsetting New York City at the moment is an event called Pitch and Pair. Every month strangers gather in a bar to watch people give three to five minute PowerPoint presentations on why their single friend is a catch.
“Everyone listens, laughs and maybe even finds a spark,” they explain on @pitchandpairnyc. Tickets sell out fast, as this is clearly brilliant. It’s so much easier/less cringe to talk up someone else rather than yourself, plus everyone gets to see each other’s friends, so gains the added insight which checking out social circles supplies.
Pitch and Pair also appeals to me massively because I’m a very enthusiastic matchmaker. Admittedly my results have been – to put it generously – mixed, but I’ve honed my skills over the years. When I started out, my criteria was simply that the two parties in question were single. If so, they were perfect for each other! The end.
My first match ended in a hook-up, which definitely took place more out of obligation and politeness to me rather than any attraction on the part of either of my victims. Learning from this, as all professionals must, I embarked on my second foray by lowering the stakes. Instead of guaranteeing an earth-shattering, enduring love, the likes of which neither had experienced before, I told both people this was probably more a one night stand thing.
Shockingly, it worked, and, this is genuinely true – they ended up getting married. They were together for seven years. Let’s not dwell on the past tense of that sentence – it’s better to have matchmade and lost than never to have matchmade at all.
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Once I went in to fix-up a partnership with a neighbour who’d happened to mention wishing her son could find a nice partner in my presence. I had a single friend the same age, with the same colour hair, so they were exceptionally well-suited. The logistics of matchmaking are quite a nervy business, even before you involve the mother of one of the people you’re attempting to set up.
When it comes to sending photos suggesting the introduction, who gets first refusal and who risks having their feelings hurt? I have previous experience of one side approving the picture and being happy to go ahead, then the second saying thanks but no thanks. This is known in the matchmaking trade as extremely awkward. I had to go back to Single A and say what are the chances, Single B literally met someone they really like just last night, can you believe it? (And no, of course they didn’t, not for a second.)
Luckily in this case I already had a snap of my friend, so could send it to the neighbour to forward to the son without her… let’s call it knowledge rather than consent, eh? He liked what he saw, and rightly so, then his mum gave me a photo of him to show my friend. After 0.2 seconds’ deliberation, I cropped out his flip-flops. No, it wasn’t dishonest – if they became a couple she would remove them from his life much faster than I had from his picture, and be doing him a great service to boot (no pun, etc).
It was all systems go! They swapped numbers. I imagined the standing ovation I’d receive at their wedding.
Reader, she did not marry him. Turns out you can take the man out of the flip-flops but you can’t take the flip-flop energy out of the man. I remain undeterred obviously. Wonder if she fancies a trip to New York…
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