Self-Absorbed People Often Use These 12 Phrases Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say ...Saudi Arabia

"Self-absorbed" is a commonly hurled phrase on social media and in private conversations about people who always seem to redirect everything back to their thoughts, needs and feelings. While it's understandable—healthy even—to love and advocate for yourself, psychologists warn that self-absorbed people often alienate others."Being self-absorbed is not the same as confidence or self-awareness," stresses Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and the director of Comprehend the Mind. "Instead, it reflects an inward gaze that makes it difficult to empathize, listen or show interest in what someone else is going through."She explains that self-absorbed behaviors are often rooted in insecurity and fear, and can be difficult to recognize in yourself, saying, "It is hard to be self-aware about self-absorbed behavior because the mindset itself blocks the ability to reflect outward."However, understanding common phrases self-absorbed individuals use without realizing it can increase your awareness and help you become more inclusive. Here, psychologists share common phrases that self-absorbed people often say and offer advice on overcoming chronic "me-first" or "selfish" attitudes.Related: Self-Absorbed People Often Display These 12 Traits Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say

While this phrase has some merits, one psychologist points out some subtle but significant issues."There is nothing wrong with including part of this sentence as a response to a proposed plan, but to assume a group activity cannot happen just because you are not available is problematic unless it is an event in your honor," clarifies Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.However, telling colleagues that they absolutely cannot go to happy hour on Friday because you have a wedding to attend is unfair.Related: People Who Received Very Little Affection in Childhood Often Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

2. "I know exactly how you feel—let me tell you about when it happened to me."

People often use this phrase with good intentions."While it may seem like a way to relate, this shifts the focus away from the other person’s emotions," shares Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D,a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "Clients I’ve worked with sometimes do this unintentionally when they are uncomfortable sitting with another person’s pain. It’s a way of making the moment more about them rather than offering support."

One psychologist shares this phrase is a surefire way to rub people the wrong way, even if you're just kidding."It signals a lack of reciprocal attention," explains Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist. "Even when said playfully, it reveals a pattern of redirecting conversations toward their own stories."Related: This Is the #1 Mistake People Make During Small Talk, Jefferson Fisher Warns

4. “I didn’t do anything to deserve that treatment!” 

This statement may be true, but it's worth considering whether you may have contributed to this treatment (especially if someone points out you say this all the time)."This is an example of self-absorption when one fails to acknowledge their contribution to a situation," Dr. Smith says.For instance, she explains it's not cool to arrive 20 minutes late to something and get upset that a person can't meet with them anymore and needs to reschedule.

Real talk: That could be part of the problem. "Rather than seeking understanding, this communicates judgment and a lack of curiosity about others’ emotional landscapes," Dr. McGeehan reveals. "There isn’t a clarifying question, empathy or curiosity, which are all things we would expect to see in a healthy back and forth. Rather, it’s effectively shutting the conversation down."Related: The #1 Best Way To Stop Being Defensive in Relationships, According to Therapists

6. "You're overreacting."

This one is a classic phrase often uttered by self-absorbed types."It's a very common way to invalidate someone’s experience and reroute them back to themselves," Dr. McGeehan says. "It implies that their interpretation is not valid and effectively steers the conversation in whatever direction they choose."Related: 5 Unexpected Signs You Might Be the Toxic One in a Relationship—Plus, How To Break Free From the Behaviors

Different people bring distinct experiences and perspectives to the table, which is often positive. However, people who are self-absorbed may struggle to see things any way but their way."This phrase means that they have a very narrow view of the world," Dr. Hafeez says. "It also suggests that their own thoughts are the norm, and it is difficult to think that someone else’s thoughts are equally valid."Related: 6 Signs Someone Is ‘Deflecting’ and How To Respond, According to a Psychologist

8. "I’m just being honest."

Using honesty as an excuse to be mean can showcase a lack of empathy, a hallmark of self-absorbed tendencies. "Often used to justify blunt or inconsiderate remarks, this phrase frames insensitivity as a virtue," Dr. McGeehan says. "It prioritizes self-expression over relational impact. This is common with someone who is self-absorbed."Dr. Lira de la Rosa agrees."This is a phrase I hear a lot in therapy when someone says something hurtful," he says. "Honesty without compassion can mask self-centeredness. When we’re truly aware of others, we take care to be both honest and kind."

Dr. Hafeez says this phrase not only exudes "self-absorbed" vibes, but it's also just plain rude."Rather than being willing to hear what the other person feels, they focus on their own feelings, often cutting off deeper connection or understanding," she warns.Related: 5 Reasons Why Some People Just Can't Apologize, According to a Therapist—Plus, What They Tend To Say Instead

10. "People are always jealous of me."

Sure about that one?"This statement assumes that others are constantly focused on them, which is a hallmark of self-absorbed thinking," Dr. Hafeez says. "It shows a limited ability to see others as independent of their own narrative."Dr. Lira de la Rosa adds that individuals who frequently use this phrase are often prone to defensiveness and tend to have inflated views of themselves.

This one sounds cool. However, it can be rather cold when used in certain situations."This phrase often dismisses others’ emotional needs or challenges, implying they are unimportant or excessive," Dr. McGeehan explains. "I usually hear this one when someone comes to a friend for support, and that friend is too self-absorbed to tolerate holding space for someone else."To add insult to injury?"This phrase dismisses this person’s need while also adding a flavor of judgment by calling it drama," Dr. McGeehan warns.

12. "Well, here’s what I would’ve done."

Dr. McGeehan says this phrase lacks empathy and centers on the self-absorbed person's way of thinking."It often minimizes the speaker’s experience in favor of showcasing their perceived superiority or decisiveness," she explains.Related: 'Am I the Problem?' A Relationship Therapist Shares 7 Warning Signs

How To Become Less Self-Absorbed

Dr. Smith says this step is an internal one—no one needs to be aware of it. However, it can help you intentionally create more balance in interactions with others.Key caveat: "No one is asking you to stop considering yourself," she clarifies. "They’d just like for you to grow by considering them too."For instance, she says you may notice that you consider yourself at a 10:1 ratio—don't expect to reach a 50:50 ratio in an hour."Even the best of us are not always completely balanced, so that does not need to be the goal," Dr. Smith says. "Rather, just focus on increasing the number of times you actually pause to consider the person you’re speaking with or interacting with."Related: People Who Were 'Spoiled' as Children Usually Develop These 16 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

2. Practice active listening

Active listening isn't just about opening your ears but your mind as well."This means really focusing on what the other person is saying instead of thinking about what you want to say next," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "It builds empathy and reminds them that being present is more powerful than trying to solve or redirect."

After listening with curiosity, you'll be better equipped to ask some questions that make a person feel seen and cared for."Asking thoughtful, non-performative questions keeps the focus on connection rather than control," Dr. McGeehan says. "It signals genuine interest and helps shift your attention away from being understood to understanding. This is often a soft skill that is underdeveloped for someone who is self-absorbed."Related: 20 Specific, Expert-Backed Ways To Be a Better Listener and Have More Meaningful Conversations

4. Get vulnerable

It's not easy to work on self-absorbed behavior, and it's OK to put it out there that you're trying."By being open and honest with your close friends—who you trust will not weaponize this against you—you are practicing the very thing that is underdeveloped for you: Vulnerability," Dr. McGeehan says. "This will bring it to the forefront of your consciousness while also allowing your friends to gently hold you accountable as well."

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Related: People Who Heard These 9 Phrases Growing up Were Likely Raised by Self-Centered Parents

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