MOTHERHOOD has never been a walk in the park, but in this multitasking world, one burden remains largely unspoken which is the mental load. This is not the physical work of cleaning, cooking or caring for children but more of the unseen labour that happens in the mind. It is the remembering, anticipating, planning and managing that many mothers carry quietly, constantly and often alone. The mental load can be as exhausting as any physical task. Yet, because it is invisible, it rarely gets the recognition it deserves.
What exactly is the mental load?
The mental load refers to the cognitive effort required to manage a household and family life. It is more than just doing daily tasks. To be more precise, keeping track of what needs to be done, when, how and by whom. It is the mental to-do list that never switches off. It is remembering to buy a gift for the school party, knowing that the fridge is nearly out of items, keeping track of which child prefers which snack and being the one to notice the shoes no longer fit. Even when mothers are not physically doing the task, they are usually the ones who have planned for it, organised it and made sure it gets done. This constant state of mental juggling can be overwhelming, and it often leaves little room for rest or personal time.
Invisible nature of the work
What makes the mental load so difficult to address is that it is not easily seen. Unlike laundry or a messy kitchen, mental labour leaves no visible trace. It is the kind of work that happens behind the scenes, quietly, endlessly and without a break. In many households, particularly in traditional or gendered setups, mothers naturally become the default managers of the home. Even when both parents work, the responsibility of remembering things often falls disproportionately on the mother. This includes everything from remembering medical appointments to updating the school app, monitoring screen time, researching enrichment classes, organising holiday activities and being the emotional sounding board for the family.
Emotional labour and constant guilt
The mental load is often closely tied to emotional labour, the effort it takes to manage not only tasks, but also the emotions of others. Mothers frequently find themselves smoothing over tantrums, calming anxious children, checking in on their partner’s stress levels and generally being the emotional glue of the household. Alongside this is a constant, low-grade guilt. Guilt for not doing enough, for missing something, for feeling tired, for wanting time alone. It is a cycle that feeds the mental load further: the more pressure one feels to be the perfect parent, the heavier the invisible burden becomes.
When being organised becomes a trap
Modern parenting is also shaped by a culture of hyper-awareness. There is pressure to always be ahead, to be involved, to make everything meaningful. Mothers today are expected to curate educational activities, pack balanced lunches, monitor online activity, foster emotional intelligence and stay calm while doing it all. What was once considered “good enough” parenting now feels like a constant performance. The more competent a mother appears, the more is expected of her. Being seen as the one who “has it all under control” can become its own kind of trap, one where asking for help feels like failure.
Rethinking responsibility
It is time the mental load is recognised as a legitimate and important form of labour. The idea is not to tally who does more, but to shift the mindset around who takes ownership of remembering, planning and anticipating family needs. In an ideal setup, household management should be shared, not delegated. Sharing the mental load does not mean helping out, it means taking responsibility from the start. Instead of waiting to be told what needs doing, partners and family members should actively participate in noticing and solving day-to-day needs. This begins with visibility. When the mental load is acknowledged, it can be redistributed. When it is discussed openly, change can happen.
Creating space for mothers to breathe
There is no perfect solution, but small changes matter. Making lists that everyone can access, sharing digital calendars, setting up regular check-ins or even dividing specific roles clearly (such as who handles school matters vs household bills) can help lighten the mental burden. Most importantly, society needs to stop romanticising maternal self-sacrifice. Rest should not be earned. Time alone should not be a luxury. And motherhood should not be defined by the ability to carry it all in silence. When mothers are supported in every sense not just with chores but with shared responsibility, they thrive. And when mothers thrive, so do families.
The mental load of motherhood is real, relentless and too often invisible. It is not something that can be measured in hours or ticked off a list, but it deeply affects the wellbeing of mothers everywhere. Recognising it is the first step. Sharing it is the next.
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