In the dark moments when David Beckham doubted he would ever get the knighthood he craved, he could have consoled himself by remembering it had been foretold in holy scriptures. In the Spice Girls’ “Wannabe”, Mel B raps: “Easy V doesn’t come for free, she’s a real lay-dee.”
And this week, lo it came to pass. Sir and Lady Beckham: completed it, mate.
No stranger to a redemption arc – he was so hated that an effigy of him was publicly hung after his 1998 World Cup red card led to England’s defeat – Beckham then threw himself into a royal rehabilitation crusade.
He ensured he was cleared of alleged involvement in a 2013 tax avoidance scheme that would have meant he was ineligible for a knighthood, made nice with the Windsors at every possible opportunity, and stood for 12 hours in the public queue to pay his respects to the late Queen in Westminster Hall in September 2022.
Now, finally, he’s manifested his dream into reality, but sadly, there’s a fly in the ointment. He and Victoria are currently being ghosted – not just in real life but, much more importantly, online – by their eldest son, the prodigal sandwich maker, Brooklyn. He didn’t post congratulations when his dad’s honour was revealed, or anything for Father’s Day. His social media silence was deafening (which says something, given the Beckham family motto might as well be Instagram or It Didn’t Happen).
The feud is so oddly familiar you could be forgiven for assuming David had engineered it as part of his knighthood campaign, to give him more in common with King Charles.
Don’t stop me, because you’ve definitely heard this one before: Brooklyn fell out with Romeo, so two high-profile brothers at war, before his American wife was blamed for cementing the bad feeling in the family. The couple then cut ties, and moved to LA à la Megxit: Becksxit. Now Brooklyn and his missus Nicola are firmly on the outs, also snubbing David’s 50th birthday celebrations last month.
Could this rift – which David is, understandably, said to be devastated by – be karma, though? He never appears to have doubted that he deserved to be knighted, but there is of course, the small matter of him being accused of taking blood money from the evil Qatar regime to be the face of the 2022 World Cup in stadiums which migrant workers died building.
Despite some condemnation at the time, from the LGBTQ+ community among others, he walked off scot-free, career unaffected, finances only improved, now a Sir. In every other way, he’s untouchable, so perhaps the universe has punished him by breaking his heart.
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The optics of the happy family have always been an important strand of Brand Beckham, too. Yes, they’re rich, famous, glamorous, live in mansions, fly on private jets, hang out with celebrities – but underneath all that, they’re just like us. A mum and dad who love their kids. It’s the most normal, down-to-earth thing about them.
So, will this fracture be damaging, bad for business? This is Goldenballs we’re dealing with, remember: he’s pure Teflon. It will probably work to their advantage, because it is a perfect happy family actually that relatable?
Even if it is, it’s also pretty boring and can only make everyone else compare and despair. Much more juicy, not to mention newsworthy, for there to be beef. To know it’s not just you who can’t stand your in-laws. To analyse every post for cryptic messages, and gossip, in the manner of over the back fence with your neighbour about the family across the road, but on a grander scale.
It’s also comforting for us, the little people, to know that even being rich and famous doesn’t mean your charmed life is problem-free. No, Siree.
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