After Donald Trump said he’d like to make Canada our 51st state, Ontario Premier Doug Ford made a counteroffer: “How about if we buy Alaska? And we’ll throw in Minnesota and Minneapolis at the same time.” Ford isn’t thinking big enough. Canada should make the United States its 11th province.
“Together, what a great Nation it would be!!!” Trump said January 6 on Truth Social. He wasn’t wrong. But instead of torturing Canada with tariffs until it surrenders to Manifest Destiny, the United States should beg Canada to annex the Lower 48. Here’s just some of what we’d gain by jettisoning our dysfunctional government and replacing it with Canada’s:
To be sure, Canadian rule poses a few drawbacks. The price of containing a charming French-speaking subculture is an intermittently troublesome separatist movement. The late Toronto Mayor Rob Ford (Doug is his brother) was at least as embarrassing as Donald Trump. Canada, as a member of the British Commonwealth, recognizes Charles Windsor as its monarch, which doesn’t thrill me even granting that he exercises no power there. Canada’s housing crisis appears to be worse than ours. And I cannot countenance poutine. I should here concede that my opinions about Canada are largely second-hand because I’ve never been there. Strange, I know. I haven’t avoided it; just never had a reason to go.
You may have guessed by now that I’m not being entirely serious, and neither are Lithwick or Ignatieff. “My preference is not to treat any of this as a joke,” the Canadian Atlantic writer David Frum replied to my query. “One of the ways Trump works is by inuring us not to be shocked by the shocking.”
I take Frum’s point. But treating Trump seriously doesn’t work especially well either. The United States is not going to conquer Canada; that’s just this week’s fancy from an attention-craving narcissist whose cognition is on the fritz. That this crackpot is about to be president is without question a serious problem. But we can’t spend the next four years pretending the man isn’t a jabbering fool. And I’m quite serious when I observe that for all its current turmoil, Canada is, at this moment, governed more soundly than any other North American nation. That Trump thinks Canada would benefit from becoming part of the United States gets it exactly backwards. It is, in every sense, a joke.
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