That’s what bothered Simon Sinek, who hosts the podcast A Bit of Optimism and is the author of books including Start With Why, about the concept of a bucket list. “You’re staring at a list of things you’ve never done, and it’s kind of depressing,” he says. “Even if you make your way through the list and things come off, you die with a list of things you've never done. And that just leads to disappointment and regret.”
Sinek keeps his list on his phone, where he sometimes stumbles across it while searching for something else. Then he gets sidetracked revisiting his own life and remembering experiences he’d forgotten about. “It’s joy scrolling,” he says. “Why shouldn’t I get credit for these things that showed up organically in my life?”
A reverse bucket list works because it interrupts one of your brain's most stubborn habits: always looking ahead to what's next instead of pausing to appreciate what's already happened. “So much of daily life is focused on the next goal, the next milestone, or the next thing we haven't done yet,” says Rachel Needle, a psychologist in West Palm Beach, Fla. That translates into rarely stopping long enough to notice “everything we've already experienced, survived, learned, or built.”
“Instead of thinking, ‘I'm not there yet,’ you begin noticing, ‘Look how much is already part of my story,’” Needle says. “That shift alone can change how you see your life.”
Those reminders may lift your mood and support your self-esteem, too—especially when you recognize your own role in making something good happen. As Kushner puts it: “I did take that risk. I did build that friendship. I did get through that season.” When it’s easier to focus on what’s going wrong, the list offers concrete reminders of what’s gone right.
What to put on your reverse bucket list
There’s room for big milestones (an awe-inspiring trip or promotion at work) as well as what Kushner describes as “micro moments of joy.” “These are the daily things that happen that we might kind of gloss over, but that are just as important,” she says. “Maybe it was a beautiful morning and you got to soak in the sun, and you had your coffee or your matcha, and you just felt content. It could be a random five-minute exchange with a stranger that was a really nice moment of connection. It could be something you felt proud of yourself for.” Every time she sees flowers, for example, she feels happy.
You can also give yourself credit for things that didn’t come with a souvenir or a celebration. Needle suggests including challenges you’ve overcome, relationships you’ve nurtured, and moments when you did something that took courage. “You’re more resilient than maybe you’re giving yourself credit for on a regular basis,” she says. On her own list: finishing her book proposal, reconnecting with friends, and planning a trip to London with her mom.
How to make—and revisit—a reverse bucket list
Keep track of these memories in a journal or notebook, or on your phone—whatever you’re most likely to return to. Treat it as a living document that grows as you have new experiences and remember old ones you’d almost forgotten.
Or take Sinek’s approach and skip the schedule. He adds things when they happen. “There’s no rules here,” he says.
Whatever your system, make sure you periodically revisit what you’ve written. Linger over an entry long enough to remember what made you laugh, who was there, or how you felt. As Needle puts it, the point is “letting yourself feel good about it again.”
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