Man Utd’s ‘mannequins’ are an insult to paying fans ...Middle East

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As Michael Carrick continues to demonstrate, numbers can point in any direction you choose. However, when the metrics correlate with the way supporters feel, then Manchester United really are in trouble.

The Stretford Paddock’s uber-partial, five-man, YouTube panel was universally on the floor following the dismal draw at Fulham. And this august body did not include malcontent No 1, Gary Neville.

Any bright spots that did emerge were ultimately subsumed into the overwhelming pattern of United’s unrewarding start to the season, their worst in more than a decade.

“Shite again,” was Macca’s final thought. Ronnie agreed. “That second half was some scary stuff. Slow, flat, devoid of any sort of enthusiasm, passion… On the face of it we rescued a point but it still feels like a defeat.”

What about you Tom? “Didn’t turn up in the second half. Allowed the game to go very flat…” And on it went.

Michael Carrick faces calls to be sacked amid a poor run of form (Photo: Getty)

“I’ve watched Man United since the age of five and that’s the worst 15 minutes I’ve ever seen,” Neville said.

“I was purely referring to the fact that they walked around the pitch. I have never seen Manchester United walk as much as that.

“”Michael has got to stop defending them. I get why he’s defending them, he is loyal and wants his players to work for him. There is a long way left in the season.

“I called them mannequins. I have never seen a Manchester United team, for 15 minutes, walk around as much as that. No alerts, not on your toes, you should always be on your toes, there was no shifting up two or three yards. Just walking when Fulham were in possession.”

The stats are powerfully miserable. Next to bottom in high speed runs, 16th in total distance covered, 17th in percentage time spent walking when out of possession. Being crap is bad enough. Not running is unforgivable.

Though Manchester City sit below United in distance covered, their station at the top of the Premier League on maximum points suggests this might be because City’s players are more often than not in the right position.

Carrick’s upbeat bluster naturally contrasts with the panel’s grim reflections. What he cannot vibe away, however, is the wider mood on the terraces. The devastating reflections of the Stretford Paddock are echoed across myriad platforms on social media as well as Carrick’s increasingly fraught former teammates.

And, of course, they are in line with results. While Carrick would have outcomes to be the consequence of freak episodes, the illegal goal in the Manchester derby, the ricochet off Lisandro Martinez at Fulham, the worldie conceded at Everton in the sixth-minute of added time, etc, he conveniently ignores the factors that led to these moments, ie a consistent lack of urgency in possession coupled with the ease with which opponents flood through midfield.

These are linked factors underpinned by key differences with last year. Bruno Fernandes has always been a stress point defensively, hopeless in duels and frequently the wrong side of the ball. However, Ipswich Town apart, his output offensively has dropped off remarkably.

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Marcus Rashford’s rehabilitation has not only flattered to deceive the metrics, it has flicked Matheus Cunha from his most effective left-sided attacking role, the very part of the pitch from which he landed the late equaliser at Craven Cottage following Rashford’s withdrawal. Combined, that amounts to a three-dimensional assault on attacking potential and output.

Carrick can do little about a defensive structure left untreated in successive transfer windows. His reliance on the experience of Harry Maguire, Martinez and Luke Shaw is understandable if costly, since none have pace. And on both flanks, the full-backs fall below industry standards.

Carrick’s promise of a rebound after the international break will depend on how honest he is with himself and his coaching group. He can say whatever he likes, but the fans are not buying his team. How long before they are not buying him either?

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