Preparing to begin my seventh year in the classroom as a teacher, I’ve realised something does not receive enough attention every September. “Back to school” isn’t just for children or teachers. It’s for parents too.
The school gates become a strange annual reset. New shoes are bought, PE kits are – hopefully – labelled and those pesky, often unhelpful, WhatsApp groups roar back into life after six blissfully quiet weeks. But while pupils adjust to new classrooms, teachers and timetables, parents must relearn habits that can make school life much more straightforward. There are some things parents can do that make a tangible difference.
The first is painfully unfashionable: establish a morning routine. Children thrive on predictability far more than they admit. Knowing what time to get up, when breakfast happens and when bags are packed removes so many tiny decisions before 8.30am. Most mornings which go wrong really started the night before.
Second, do everything you can to reduce chances of unnecessary embarrassment. Teenagers, especially, possess a sixth sense for anything that might attract unwanted attention. “Too new” shoes. An under- or over-sized blazer with last year’s mud and lunches still visible. An oversized label with their name on full display. Trivial things – unless you’re 12 years old. Schools try so hard to tackle bullying, but avoiding easy opportunities for humiliation is a simple, affordable kindness.
Third, rethink that infamous question: “How was school?” Nine times out of 10 you’ll receive the same answer: “Fine.” Instead, ask sideways. Chat while driving or maybe walk the dog or wash up together. Research consistently shows that children often talk more when eye contact isn’t the focus. Sitting side by side somehow lowers the stakes. Don’t ask for a summary of their day, ask what made them laugh, did anything surprise them or who their teachers are. Smaller questions can unlock much bigger conversations.
Fourth, let them solve some of their own problems before rushing in to fix them yourself. Every teacher receives emails from parents that arrive long before the child has spoken to anyone at school to sort things out. Most issues can be resolved with a quiet conversation, and children gain confidence from discovering they can navigate minor setbacks independently. Of course, there are times when parents should intervene immediately, but they are rarer than our protective instincts sometimes suggest.
Fifth, remember that the child who returns through your front door may not be the one who left that morning. School is exhausting. Children spend seven hours regulating emotions, managing friendships, concentrating and trying desperately to fit in. Sometimes “bad behaviour” is simply emotional decompression in the safest place they know.
Finally, don’t underestimate the power of speaking positively about education itself. School isn’t perfect and teachers certainly aren’t. But children absorb the attitudes they hear at home. If school is always described as something to endure or teachers as people to outwit, that becomes their starting point too.
Six years in, I’m more convinced than ever that successful school lives are built on routines, conversations, reassurance and partnership: pupils, parents and teachers being aligned. September isn’t just a fresh start for pupils, who have probably just spent six weeks on their phones with friends. It’s an opportunity for adults to reset as well.
And, let’s be honest, we probably need to do so just as much as they do.
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