The idea of leaving something to our descendants – whether it’s money, a house, family heirlooms or something else – is deeply ingrained. Given the state of the housing market, a gift from a parent is now the only way many young people can imagine getting ahead.
But, the reality of inheritance is often more complicated than we imagine, and a gift can sometimes cause more financial issues than it solves. Inheritance tax and family squabbles can sour what should be a consolation after bereavement – and relationships between parents and children can be complex.
So, are children entitled to an inheritance? Helen Neale, Sam Harrington-Lowe and Raj Gill give their perspectives.
My two children know that my husband and I do not intend to leave them an inheritance.Good parenting isn’t measured by the size of the cheque you hand over after you die,and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life protecting a pot of money for some (hopefully distant) future date.
The “die with zero” movement encourages us to make sure we’ve spent or disposed of all of our assets before we die, and max out their usefulness this side of eternity; I subscribe to the slightly less hardcore but equally fun “skier” approach – that is: “Spending the kids’ inheritance.” They won’t be seeing a penny.
My view is rooted in how I was raised. My parents came to Britain from India in the 70s with no financial safety net. They worked opposite shifts – my dad worked nights in a foundry and mum at the mill in the day. Gradually, they built a life in Scotland, and later bought a business in which all six members of our family worked.
My mother always stressed the importance of financial independence. When my parents said there would be no inheritance for us, I accepted it. I did not feel rejected or cheated. I admired what they had achieved, and insisted they spend as much as they could, while they could. They spent it on us – all six of us as a family unit, and now on their grandchildren and great-grandchild.
I knew I had to work, save and stand on my own two feet. That is the lesson I have tried to pass on to my children.
When they were younger, household chores were simply part of family life, not something that earned a fee. If they received £20 for a birthday, £5 could be spent and £15 went into the bank. Later, both took jobs alongside studying at university. They save, they understand money and they are not waiting for us to solve adulthood for them.
Nor can we let an archaic system put us off living for now. Once, inheritance was an orderly way to transfer property, land and responsibility after a death. It suited those protecting land, titles and power. But it is not a moral template for every 21st-century family, nor proof that adult children are automatically entitled to whatever their parents leave behind.
Of course, I understand why inheritance matters to many families. For some, it is the only realistic route to a home, security or relief from debt. Other parents gain enormous satisfaction from leaving something behind. I am not criticising them. But I dislike the idea that spending your own money in later life is selfish, or that children somehow deserve every unspent pound simply because they were born to you.
That does not mean I am indifferent to my children’s future. Quite the opposite. We plan to keep travelling, eating well, improving our home and enjoying experiences with the people we love. Some of that spending will directly benefit our children; much of it will include them. They are not being deprived so that we can live extravagantly without a thought for them. They are being supported in the present, while also being trusted to build lives of their own.
Last year, for our son’s 20th birthday, we went to Madrid and Venice. For his 21st, we will celebrate in Palma. We took our 22-year-old daughter to Paris for her birthday and have yet to decide where this year’s trip will take us. The children arrange the flights, hotels, transfers and restaurants. My husband and I foot the bill and turn up.
It teaches them useful skills – and negotiating four adult tastes is no small achievement – while giving us something far more precious than money sitting in an account: time together.
We have also spent money on our home. When we moved recently, I deliberately gave the children the largest bedrooms. We love having them at home and they can stay as long as they wish. Providing a secure home now feels more useful than promising them an unspecified sum when we pop our clogs.And if we can help with a deposit at the moment it is needed, why make them wait for a will to be read? If we can take a family trip while we are all healthy enough to enjoy it, why leave the money untouched?
I would rather my children inherit confidence, financial sense and a collection of wonderful memories than spend years wondering what they might receive when we are gone.
Do children deserve an inheritance? Frankly, no. They deserve something far more valuable. They do not need us to leave them a fortune. They need us to live well, love them, support them and help wisely while we are still here.
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