But as we get older, things change. People move out of their family homes and thousands of miles from their siblings. They get involved in their communities, get married, have children, take on time-consuming jobs and essentially start new lives and form new values.
But what is the most typical cause of siblings drifting apart in adulthood? To find out, Parade consulted four psychologists: Dr. Peter Vernig, a clinical psychologist and the Vice President of Mental Health Services at Recovery Centers of America, Dr. Amanda Sellers, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist in private practice in Pennsylvania, Dr. Kim Chronister, a licensed clinical psychologist in California, and Dr. Maggie Hogan, a licensed clinical psychologist offering teletherapy to patients in Massachusetts, New York, New Hampshire and Colorado.
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This Is What Usually Causes Adult Siblings To Drift Apart, According to 4 Psychologists
Passive drift is when two people slowly drift apart "as life unfolds," Dr. Vernig explains to Parade. It's not intentional or the result of an argument—it just happens.
According to Dr. Sellers, passive drift usually happens over time, as a result of our lives evolving.
Living far away from siblings can lead to passive drift
"When we are younger, it is often much easier to foster our relationships with our siblings because our lives are more interwoven," Dr. Hogann explains. "We grow accustomed to this passive effort in sibling relationships, so when life changes and our lives become less interwoven, shifting to an active effort to foster these relationships requires adjustment. If we aren't intentional about nurturing these relationships and putting in active effort, siblings can passively drift apart."
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"Like any relationship, it will take work, time and energy to thrive," she explains. "It also helps to be transparent with your sibling and name the dynamic."
After that, try to contact your sibling more frequently and more intentionally. "Over time and with regular, meaningful connection, the bond can strengthen," per Dr. Sellers.
"Start by reflecting on what contributed to the distance and be willing to acknowledge your own role if appropriate," she says. "Reach out with a sincere, low-pressure message that focuses on reconnecting. Listen openly and allow trust to rebuild gradually through consistent, respectful communication."
Instead, he advises reaching out to your sibling the way "with the same curiosity that you would a new friend." Ask them questions about their current interests and values, and get to know the new them.
These 3 Other Factors Can Also Cause Strain in Sibling Relationships
Passive drift isn't the only reason brothers and sisters may drift apart. Here, the experts share three other common causes of strain between siblings.
1. Dysfunctional childhoods
"It’s hard to feel close to someone you feel you’re in competition with," she continues. "In adulthood, you can stop accepting the childhood narrative. You and your sibling aren’t the problem; you were just parts of a dysfunctional family system. You don’t have to be competitors; you can be allies."
"Shifting your thoughts and overall belief system about your sibling and your relationship with them can be incredibly healing," she says.
"If there are specific topics which are a barrier to reconciliation, such as strong opposing political beliefs, put this on the table," he advises. "Have a conversation (when you are both calm and ready for the discussion) and agree to leave this topic out of your relationship. You can respect and care for someone even if you don't believe the same thing."
"Assuming that you can reintroduce this as the subject of conversation just because you've enjoyed several months of harmony can undo what you've accomplished," Dr. Vernig warns. "Respect this boundary, and if you think you would like to discuss an 'off limits' topic with your sibling, have another conversation about both of your thoughts and feelings about doing so."
3. Family unit shift
Growing up, your immediate family typically includes your siblings and parents. But in many cases, getting married and having kids shifts one's mindset to their partner and children being their immediate family.
Related: 11 Signs of a High-Level Narcissistic Sibling, According to a Psychologist
To deal with these feelings, she recommends trying healthy coping strategies, such as talking with a therapist or supportive friends, journaling and practicing mindfulness.
Related: 5 Subtle Signs of Resentment—and How To Let Go, According to a Psychotherapist
Final Thoughts
Passive drift is a major cause of adult siblings losing touch. As lives change, so do priorities and relationships.Dysfunctional childhoods and diverging values also cause siblings to drift apart. Overcoming conflict can make repairing the relationship challenging, but with respect, it's possible.Intentionality is key to repairing a strained sibling relationship. Put in the work to get to know your sibling for who they are today, and you can eventually become close again.
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Sources:
Dr. Peter Vernig is a clinical psychologist and the Vice President of Mental Health Services at Recovery Centers of America. Dr. Amanda Sellers, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist.Dr. Kim Chronister is a licensed clinical psychologist.Dr. Maggie Hogan is a licensed clinical psychologist.Hence then, the article about we asked 4 psychologists what usually causes adult siblings to drift apart they all said the same thing was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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