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“One of the biggest misconceptions about retirement is that more time together automatically leads to greater closeness. In reality, many couples begin to grow apart because they lose the routines, roles, and shared goals that once connected them,” says Dr. Anna Elton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Sexologist, and Author of The Formula of Desire.
“This transitional time is interesting because it uncovers a lot of things that couples weren't paying attention to when their time was split between work and other obligations. In the work I do with long-term couples, the ones who struggle the most are the ones who spent 30 years working/managing kids and logistics and making those obligations/extracurriculars the connective tissue of their relationship,” Grines says.
This seems to be the running theme reiterated by professionals across the industry.
But it doesn’t have to be like this. As Grines says, you may not have chosen each other in a long time. You can choose each other now.
Strategies To Reconnect
To start rebuilding your connection, you may have to get creative.
Nelson, however, wants couples to sit and reflect on where they are and who they are in this new phase of life. “Instead of asking, 'How do we fill all this free time together?’,” she says, “it could be worth asking, 'Who are we as a couple in this new chapter of our lives?’"
Elton’s advice to clients looking to create new experiences follows a fun structure.
But building and maintaining a healthy relationship at this stage of your life isn’t about readjusting how you spend all your time together. In fact, you shouldn’t be spending all your time together.
“One of the healthiest things retired couples can do is stop trying to spend every free minute together,” says Nelson, who is also a consultant for the discreet dating website AshleyMadison. “The strongest long-term relationships balance togetherness with individuality. Each partner needs opportunities to pursue their own interests and grow autonomously outside of the relationship.”
Grines also found this to be true, “It's helpful when the couple has a plan as to how they're going to spend their time. It's really important that each person in the unit maintains an individual identity that they can come back and bring to each other with excitement and joy.”
Schedule Check-Ins
If you want to start finding your way back to each other, then it starts with a conversation. Find a schedule that works for you, so check-ins don’t seem tedious. Elton actually notes that she finds this common.
“These conversations create an opportunity to address concerns while they're still small, before they turn into resentment, assumptions, or larger relationship problems.”
“I have found that having a conversation early about what retirement actually looks like on a day-to-day basis helps couples manage this when the time comes. This includes talking about what time they should go to bed as well as how often they're going to see their friends and what other meaningful ways they're going to spend time both together and apart.”
Embrace The New Chapter
“The couples who stay connected in retirement aren't necessarily the ones who have the least amount of arguments or conflicts. They're the couples who continue investing in the relationship and create new ideas. A thriving marriage isn't built on spending more time together, it's making the time you do spend together more fun, sexy and meaningful.”
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute advice.
Psychology Today — "Why Self-Determination in Loving Relationships Is Important"Hence then, the article about retirement can push couples apart but therapists say there s a way to prevent it was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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