“Oh, God, it’s a boy. And he even has red hair!” Such was the now-King’s less than thrilled reaction to the birth of his youngest son in 1984, according to Diana, Princess of Wales. That sentiment would be a precursor to a childhood which saw its share of challenges, Prince Harry wrote in his bestselling 2023 memoir, Spare. “He’d always given an air of being not quite ready for parenthood – the responsibilities, the patience, the time.”
News that Harry will return to the UK this summer with Meghan and his children has brought the rollercoaster of a relationship with his father – or as he calls him, Pa – back to the fore. When he visited the UK alone last year, the King granted his son 50 minutes of his time over tea and cake: this time, Charles has offered them accommodation in a royal residence (reportedly to get ahead of any “mean King” stories that might circulate ahead of their arrival). The Sussexes are yet to accept.
All eyes are on whether a royal reconciliation might occur, after a volatile half-decade. There was the disastrous Oprah Winfrey interview in 2021, in which the Sussexes said senior royals had raised “concerns” over the darkness of the skin of their unborn child; the publication of Spare (the advance for which was reportedly $20m) followed by numerous comments made hence which have only served to inflame tensions between Harry and his father.
The King has reportedly met Lilibet, five, on just one occasion; she and seven-year-old Archie have never been pictured smiling, sat between their grandparents, as their cousins have. “Some members of my family will never forgive me for writing a book. Of course, they will never forgive me for lots of things,” Harry said in a BBC interview last year. “But I would love a reconciliation with my family. There’s no point continuing to fight any more.”
Hugo Vickers, royal historian and author of Queen Elizabeth II, says he is hopeful that “there could be some sort of reconciliation between father and son”. Firstly, because “the King doesn’t want his last years to be made unhappy with the rift with his son”. And second, “because Harry is already carrying around a massive amount of baggage and depression [he has opened up previously about his mental health struggles], and if his father dies without him being on good terms with him, it’s just going to be an even more dismal situation”.
The death of his mother when he was just 12 triggered, understandably, a deep grief that Harry struggled to shake. She had been the source of levity at home; her motto, he recalled, was: “You can be as naughty as you want, just don’t get caught… [she was] a total kid through and through.”
Charles and Harry arrive at St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle for the Committal Service of Elizabeth II in 2022 (Photo: David Rose/Pool/AFP)A member of staff who worked for the family when the boys were young told The Telegraph that “Charles was largely absent and undemonstrative but unmistakably affectionate.” Vickers says that “when Diana was alive, we were never allowed to be told anything favourable about Prince Charles at all”, but that on her death, what was paramount was for him “to be a good father and friend to those two boys, and I have every possible reason to suppose that he was in every possible way.”
Speaking of his father’s role during that time, Harry said that “he was there for us, he was the one out of two left and he tried to do his best and to make sure we were protected and looked after”. Still, there were challenges. In Spare, the Duke recounted how when relaying the news of his mother’s death, the King did not hug his son but only put a hand on his knee, saying: “‘It’s going to be OK.’ That was quite a lot for him.”
The pair travelled to South Africa for a royal visit three months after Diana’s death – not an indication of their closeness, Spare suggests, but rather a carefully managed PR opportunity. No matter: to the then 12-year-old, the trip “had been a smash. Not only a terrific adventure, but a bonding experience with Pa. Surely life would now be altogether different.”
Was it? According to Harry “he tried. Evenings, I’d shout downstairs, ‘Going to bed, Pa!’ He’d always shout back cheerfully, ‘I’ll be there shortly, darling boy!’ True to his word, minutes later he’d be sitting on the edge of my bed. He never forgot that I didn’t like the dark, so he’d gently tickle my face until I fell asleep. I have the fondest memories of his hands on my cheeks, my forehead, then waking to find him gone, magically, the door always considerately left open a crack.”
Over time, the relationship would pinball between sweet exchanges and straining beneath his father’s lack of emotional intelligence, according to Spare. (Though at least on Harry’s youthful indiscretions – dressing up as a Nazi in 2005, for instance – his father didn’t come down too hard, scolding the him in private but not insisting on further public apologies.) Harry appeared to find his father guilty of the same things he had reportedly accused his own parents of being: “cold and aloof”.
By the time of his 2018 wedding to Meghan, a more mature Harry had emerged, and things seemed on solid ground. The King reportedly told friends that his soon-to-be daughter-in-law was “so intelligent and so nice. She makes Harry happy. We could not like her more” – a sentiment that appeared to hold on their wedding day when, after a last-minute dropout from Meghan’s own father, Charles walked her down the aisle. (For her part, she has described him as “very charming,” and “very important to me.”)
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex on the balcony for Trooping The Colour in 2018 (Photo: Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty)Soon thereafter, the cracks began showing. So-called “Megxit” in 2020 – the Sussexes’ exit from the UK, and the vast majority of royal life – and various public battles over the security detail Harry says he needs, have deepened a chasm that, during one period, saw silence between the pair for 19 months.
There was a break in tensions when Charles received his cancer diagnosis in 2024, leading his son to fly to the UK right away. “I think any illness, any sickness brings families together,” he told Good Morning America. “The fact that I was able to get on a plane and go and see him and spend any time with him, I’m grateful for that.”
That thaw has not continued, though. Various trips to either party’s country of residence – including Charles’s four-day state visit to the US in April – have passed without a meeting. “The King has always left the door wide open for Prince Harry,” says Vickers. This summer will prove whether that remains true.
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