Those deadly vowels straight from the Mancunian perimeter suck the light from any occasion with the force of a black hole. At the end of 90 minutes it feels like you might be in one. Very little survives a Lee Dixon event.
This wasn’t by any means his darkest night. Indeed he confessed to being on the point of tears after Cape Verde cancelled the mighty Spain in this classic elite dump of a World Cup opener.
“You might hear it in my voice, I’m a bit emotional,” he said. “They deserve that point more than anything. This night is Cape Verde’s.”
It might also be Dixon’s best moment as a summariser, begging the question why his wider portfolio is so dire? The late eruption of atmosphere is unlikely, however, to shift the football commentariat towards sympathy, let alone appreciation. Memo to Lee: Don’t visit Reddit.
Football’s patterns speak for themselves in many ways, relieving the pundit of the need to go deep. The benefit of experience should be sufficient, giving a sense of the play, why a player reacts as he does, makes one choice above another, etc.
Give us some perspective, tell us what a player might be thinking, or feeling, instead of re-telling what we can see for ourselves.
Dixon liked the brilliant movement and rotation of the Spanish model, except, since that was the bit that was missing in a disappointing opening, he was just generalising. The same could be said of his appreciation of Cape Verde, a team “full of athletes…they can get about the pitch…just about the ability to put those attributes into practice and use your brain”.
Another wasted chance by Spain met with this searing analysis – he had to get something on it, because what a cross. His sidekick Sam Matterface was setting out stalls so perhaps Dixon lapsed into cliche in sympathy.
“Whats your job? Just whip it in with your left foot,” and on it went. “Let’s go to Emma Hayes,” said Matterface during the first-half drinks break. Yes please. “The key to breaking down Cape Verde is rotations,” she explained. “You have to work the ball side to side to crack them open. They are lacking that at the moment.” Thanks Emma.
Matterface felt it “fascinating” to listen to her observations, which is its own commentary on the prior exchanges with Dixon. Hayes told us the how and the why not the what.
It’s not necessarily the observations but how they are delivered. Dixon’s fellow ITV pundit, Ally McCoist, is not elite in his grasp of nuance either, but he is unrelenting in his enthusiasm and thus, makes the night swing.
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Mark Douglas: £14 beers and ludicrously priced footballs – my day at the World Cup fan zone Daniel Storey: The match that exposed this World Cup’s two great hypocrisiesFor what it’s worth, the commentary I have most enjoyed thus far was delivered by Alistair Bruce-Ball of the BBC. He is blessed with urgency of voice and acuity of thought. Paired with the equally effervescent, and oh-so dry, Chris Sutton, the pair made excellent listening of Germany versus Curacao.
The pity is their radio voices are limited to the digital TV highlights. Were radio commentary synced with live TV pictures and not subject to a broadcast delay, Bruce-Ball and his BBC brothers would trigger a lemming-like lunge for the mute button, led by me.
The late appearance of Lamine Yamal at least provided scope for elaboration. “Just give it to Yamal as quickly as possible.” Well yes, Lee. Outstanding. Why didn’t we think of that?
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