British men’s running kit is a law unto itself. At its best, it channels Temu David Beckham. At its worst, it channels “popping to the small Tesco for milk.” Despite the best efforts of Nike, Adidas, Puma, Asics, Gymshark, Under Armour and On, the end result often looks less engineered for speed than plucked from the dirty linen basket smelling of Deep Heat and desperation.
As a jogger in a glass house, I shouldn’t throw stones. The first time I went for a run, I was in my late thirties, and wore rubber-soled Converse baseball boots and a handbag. There’s something humble about wearing the wrong kit. Unless you’re one of life’s gazelles, you’re likely going to feel stupid emerging from your home in luminous tonal hues of moisture-wicking fabric and £250 Hoka Cielo X1s. And then there’s the British weather to think about. Nylon windcheaters are rarely a good look. It’s so much easier in LA: sleeveless vest, thigh-high shorts, job done.
So really, we should have sympathy for the jogging British male – especially that subset comprised of senior politicians, whose kit is as scrutinised as their policies. A case in point is Andy Burnham, whose short shorts caused a national incident last week. So which running tribe are you? One electrolyte gel away from completing an Iron Man, or ready to pass out? Read on and make up your own mind.
Jogging for victory
In the Venn diagram of people who think Andy Burnham is some sort of sex god, the sight of him in his running kit isn’t exactly going to disabuse them of this notion. While his short, black Adidas shorts gave some people the giant ick, for his legion of fans, no short is too short, and no thigh too hairy.
As kits go, the mayor of Manchester’s is neither here nor there. Which is the point. When you’re vying to be the leader of the Labour Party, the last thing you want to do is offend potential voters. Running in a vintage Everton shirt is a deliberate ‘man of the people’ touch, as is running in affordable kit by mass-market sports brands like Adidas. Although his navy top, by lesser-known British brand Castore, £42, and orange Saucony Peregrine trail running shoes, £95, tell a slightly different story. He might try to hide it, but methinks Andy is into his labels.
Michael Gove jogs in London in 2019 (TOLGA AKMEN/AFP via Getty Images)The double-shorter
For some MAMILS (middle-aged men in lycra), being a cliche with its own acronym is not enough. They have to be a MAMILOL (middle-aged man in layers of lycra) instead. For why wear one pair of shorts when a pair of shorts layered over a pair of leggings will do? Or, in the case of Michael Gove, a navy lycra quarter-zip worn with a pair of red shorts layered over a pair of grey cycle shorts. Whether the House of Lords peer thinks he looks cool, or is simply trying to disguise his cellulite, is unclear.
The hipster
We all know that Harry Styles loves fashion, and is as at home in a sequin catsuit as he is in pink leather trousers and matching faux fur coat. Few men are as confident dressers as Styles, and fewer still manage to pull off almost every look that Gucci can throw at them.
Harry Styles finishing the 2025 Berlin Marathon (BMW Berlin Marathon)But recently, we get the feeling that Harry is Fashioned Out. It happens to the best of us. In Harry’s case, this has meant stripping back his everyday wardrobe to the basics, and wearing the same red shorts (they’re vintage), hoiked-up white socks (they’re Nike) every day. Since he runs every day (and is so evangelical about it that he was recently the cover star of Runner’s World) this also functions as Harry’s basic running kit. Which, paradoxically for a man who likes to go incognito, makes him instantly recognisable.
The self-conscious slimmer
Other than the fact it’s boring, tiring, and takes out a chunk of your day, the biggest problem with running is that it’s a public activity that should ideally be a private one. Unless you are Mo Farrah (or Harry Styles), few forms of exercise are as humiliating as a public jog. Who knows who you’ll see? And who knows how puce and sweaty you’ll look when you see them? While some people jog at night for these very reasons, this isn’t an option for the politician, whose entire raison d’etre is to give a public display of fitness and virility. Most of us can relate to former Prime Minister David Cameron’s penchant for an all-black kit: it’s anonymous, practical, and above all, slimming.
David Cameron goes for an early morning run with British soldiers in Afghanistan, 2010 (Stefan Rousseau/ PA)The shambles
Never was there a more reluctant jogger than Bo-Jo. “Do I really have to do this?” you can almost hear him puff, last night’s foie gras shifting uneasily in his stomach alongside the Chateau Petrus. “Yes, Boris – it makes you seem fit, competent and in control,” his advisers insist, even though they’re wrong on all counts. You almost have to respect the former Conservative prime minister’s abject, willful lack of respect for the game, for who goes jogging in public in their Boden boxer shorts? Or are they Vilbrequin board shorts? I don’t know, and I don’t want to know.
The topless one
I have a friend who shouts “eew – put it away” every time we pass a topless jogger on our dog walk. “Nobody asked to see your naked body,” she shouts at their retreating form, even though most of them are wearing Airpods, and can’t hear her. Needless to say, said joggers are always male, which is her point. Women, she reasons, would be arrested for jogging topless, so why should men be at liberty to flaunt their flesh?
Were she confronted with a topless Paul Mescal, perhaps she doth protest a little less. It takes balls – and also pecs, deltoids and abs – to run without your shirt off, but Mescal’s fit, and he knows he is. And completed the London Marathon to prove it.
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