Rosalyn and Irwin Engelman met in 1953 on a blind date and got married three years later, in November of 1956. They were just teenagers when they met, Rosalyn 15 and Irwin 19, but Rosalyn knew pretty quickly that she was in love.
“I certainly had not dated anyone like the tall, dark, handsome man in a navy blue suit with a briefcase who came to my door,” she says.
After marrying, each built their careers, Rosalyn in art and Irwin in business. They had two daughters and lived in various parts of the East Coast. Today they live at the Apsley, an assisted living facility in New York.
In their 70 years of marriage, the couple has built some rituals. “We always say ‘I love you’ and kiss waking up and going to sleep,” says Rosalyn as an example, adding that, “I think every gesture of kindness and love strengthens the relationship.”
Her biggest piece of advice is to try to understand the other person’s perspective whenever you can. “I never resented his time that he worked hard,” she says as an example, “and I don’t think he resented the fact that I was covered in paint.”
I think kindness is one of the most important traits that we can have in our partners.
Sabrina Romanoff
Psychologist
The Engelmans have also seen from the outside what a bad relationship can look like. Their No. 1 red flag that says a relationship might not last is “criticism which is not constructive but meant to devastate and demean someone,” says Rosalyn.
This criticism can be made about many things.
“If someone is serving something and you criticize the way it looks, tastes and you know someone has spent hours doing this,” she says, “or you say the table doesn’t look good, or how about that other shirt that goes better with those pants?”
Any hurtful comment made for the sake of hurting someone is a red flag. “It’s painful,” she says, “and most people do not want that in an enduring situation.”
That’s a red flag psychologist Sabrina Romanoff warns to look out for as well, especially if the person then excuses their behavior as “just being honest,” she previously told CNBC Make It. It means they don’t take what you want or need seriously.
“I think kindness is one of the most important traits that we can have in our partners,” said Romanoff, “because the world is cruel and you need someone by your side who you can really trust.”
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