"The words we choose to encourage our kids are powerful," says Dr. Brittney Pearson, PhD,a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. "Therefore, we must choose them wisely and with intention. In the short term, our words can provide feedback on a child’s view of their abilities and intelligence. In the long term, these words can set the foundation for a child's identity and self-worth."
"Words are important because language becomes internalized in kids," adds Dr. Cheung “William” Tsang, PsyD, a neuropsychologist with Hackensack University Medical Center. "The way a parent speaks to a child eventually becomes how a child talks to themselves."
"In the short term, words shape behavior and emotional reactions," Dr. Tsang says. "Over time, they shape self-concept, motivation and how a child responds to successes, challenges and failures."
Related: Child Psychologist Reveals 7 Key Traits of Parents Who Raise Outspoken Children
The #1 Phrase To Avoid With Kids, According to 3 Child Psychologists
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Unintended is a keyword. She knows parents aren't purposefully causing harm by using this phrase.
Still, the consequences can be real and long-lasting.
Raise your hand if you needed to hear that today. Dr. Tsang doesn't think "practice makes perfect" is inherently harmful on its own, but how it lands matters—and he agrees with Dr. Todey that it can often land in the wrong places.
When kids believe the goal is perfection, they start avoiding challenges because if you never try the hard thing, you never have to fail at it. Dr. Todey says kids may start avoiding challenges because of this.
She shares that children can start to associate their self-worth with perfection. They might think, "If I am not perfect, then I am nothing."
Related: People Who Weren’t Told ‘I’m Proud of You’ in Childhood Often Develop These 9 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
"This phrase reinforces a fixed mindset and views intelligence as an innate trait," Dr. Pearson explains.
"Making a mistake becomes threatening, and they may begin to worry: 'What if this proves I'm not actually smart?'" she shares. "Rather than risk that conclusion, many children begin avoiding challenges, choosing easier tasks where success is guaranteed."
2. "It's OK—I wasn’t good at that either"
"This phrase does not foster a growth mindset and reinforces that skills are innate rather than learned," Dr. Pearson says.
"It feels reasonable because we want to understand," she states. "But to a child's ear, especially when asked with any hint of frustration or disbelief, 'Why did you do that?' lands as judgment, not curiosity."
4. "That's not a big deal"
"When a child is upset about something that seems minor to an adult—such as a friend didn't sit with them at lunch—dismissing it with 'that's not a big deal'... sends a message about their inner world," she notes.
A task may be easy to you, but don't underestimate its difficulty level for a child (or the impact of this phrase.
6. "If you work harder, you will do better"
Honestly? Even adults can find "just work harder" incredibly frustrating, so it's unsurprising that kids do, too.
Real talk: "Every parent has said this," Dr. Todey notes. "It comes out at the end of a long day when we are exhausted from responding to our kids’ constant questioning. It's understandable."
"As a regular response, 'Because I said so' communicates that authority is the reason for everything, and that questions are unwelcome," she explains.
Related: A Clinical Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Making This Punishment Mistake
5 Better Alternative Phrases To Say to Kids
1. "I noticed how hard you worked on that"
"'I noticed' is also important," she shares. "It signals that you are paying attention—that your child's process matters to you, not just their results. This simple observation communicates volumes about your values as a parent. We care about the work, not just the win."
"This phrase does several things at once," Dr. Todey explains. "It normalizes error. It reframes mistakes as information rather than indictment."
"When parents use 'we' language around struggle and learning, it signals solidarity," the psychologist says. "You are not above the process. You make mistakes too. You are in this with your child. That is profoundly reassuring to a young person who is watching you for cues about how to be human."
3. "Practice makes progress"
"Using this phrase places focus on the mastery of a skill and allows for healthy reflection on personal growth and progress," Dr. Pearson says.
"It helps kids to shift away from being stuck on the fear of failure and toward tolerating disappointment, building flexibility and developing agency to try again," Dr. Tsang states.
5. "Tell me more about that"
"It communicates, 'You are not too much. Your inner world is worth my time. I am here, and I am listening,'" she says.
"That foundation, built through thousands of small moments of genuine curiosity, is what makes it possible for your child to come to you at 15 with something difficult, because they learned at 6 that you could handle what they felt," she states.
Words can have an enormous impact on kids and become part of their inner monologue, shaping the view of themselves they take into adulthood. Here are some things to keep in mind as you choose your words and go-to phrases with kids:
"Practice makes perfect" is well-meaning but best avoided. Child psychologists say it positions perfection as an achievable standard and may lead to low frustration tolerance and a fear of taking risks.It's also best to skip other common phrases. Child psychologists also advise against phrases like "You're so smart" (can have a similar effect as "practice makes perfect") and "Because I said so" (erodes mutual respect).More positive phrases exist. Phrases like "Practice makes progress," "It's OK to make mistakes—that's how we learn," and "Tell me more" develop confidence, foster problem-solving and build trust between parents and kids.Related: ‘I’m a Psychologist, and I’m Begging Parents to Stop Using This 1 Common Phrase'
Sources:
Dr. Brittney Pearson, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.Dr. Amy Kincaid Todey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist with Todey Psychology.Dr. Cheung "William" Tsang, Psy.D., is a neuropsychologist with Hackensack University Medical Center.Hence then, the article about we asked 3 child psychologists what phrase to avoid with kids they all said the same thing was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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