England 0-1 Japan (Mitoma 23′)
WEMBLEY — Does any of this matter? On Tuesday evening at Wembley, you could interpret that question any way you wished as England passed the ball to the point of indecency and did nothing with it. Will this make any difference to us winning the World Cup or not? And is life itself nothing but its own terminal illness, a single drop in a sea of eternities?
Let’s take the former; probably best. This international break was a hospital pass for Thomas Tuchel from the start, made literal by the number of injury withdrawals. The Nations League has rendered international friendlies a rarity but absence has made few hearts fonder.
To that we must add the timing, coming two months before the end of a relentless season that provides precious little gap before the longest World Cup in the game’s history. You can make a coherent argument for two weeks of rest and relaxation being a better use of this 35-man squad’s time than Uruguay and Japan.
And yet, and yet. Tuchel deliberately picked an enlarged squad to create a clutch of opportunities for cases to be made, arguments to be strengthened and precious few seats on a plane bound for Florida in early June fought over. This was the competition-for-places principle to the max: go out there and show a nation what you can do.
Ah well. If there are arguments to be had, they concern whether any player at all has played and improved their reputation over the last 10 days. James Garner, perhaps. Harry Maguire was good, but then got coated off by Tuchel in public. Ben White played twice and scored, but received the same treatment from said public.
Anyone else who feels more secure about their place in the team or the 26 does so through the paucity or inefficiency of their competition. I might not have impressed you that much, Tommy T, but did you see how the other bloke played?
Tuchel may question the choice of opposition with a little sulk; Uruguay tried to kick England off the pitch and Japan mostly played them off it until they sat back. The pattern became ingrained from the start: England passing sideways and backwards, that slow-to-quick recipe where the second half never comes often enough.
When England did try to up the tempo as a strategy of surprise, the collection of No 10s who barely played at No 10 were unable to control, collect or caress the ball under pressure. Japan would then break and look infinitely more dangerous than their hosts.
The worrying element is how quickly the brighter twinkles of 2025 have dulled. Cole Palmer may not be fully fit but has become magnetised to blind alleys and lost the ball that allowed Japan to break. Phil Foden has failed to produce anything in two different positions.
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Again: this may mean nothing at all. Just as Tuchel’s other setback in this job (a messy home defeat to Senegal in Nottingham) became the springboard for a run of relentless efficiency, so too this can be a kick up the arse. That will be the message internally.
But it is not brilliant, is it? This was the era after the dullness of Gareth Southgate – Boo! Hiss! – and the paper planes rained down from Wembley’s top tiers on Tuesday because that was better fun than watching more slow passing. This was the era of winning and England have no momentum now. No penetration, little security, less fun.
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