You might also experience difficult moments, like feeling as though you aren’t “good enough” in her eyes. You might have a codependent relationship with your mother in which you struggle to see each other as autonomous beings. This is not to speak ill of moms or kids, but to say that if you have a not-so-great relationship, you’re not alone.
Related: The Biggest Obstacle To Repairing a Parent and Adult-Child Relationship, Psychologist Says
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“I view maternal jealousy through the lens of intergenerational trauma and attachment theory,” says Dr. Golee Abrishami, PhD, a psychologist and the VP of Clinical Care at Octave.
Being a parent can remind a person of their childhood, which can bring up difficult feelings, such as envy and deprivation.
For example, you may have a more loving family or more financial security than she did, among other things.
The mother-daughter mirror
While a mother can be jealous of her son, there are unique dynamics between a mother and daughter that can increase the risk of jealousy. That’s because daughters are often seen as an extension of the mother. This may show up as a mother who dresses her daughter in matching clothes or encourages her to have the same interests.
In other words, your mom wants you to be similar to her but not “better.”
“If the child develops a strong, independent identity that outshines the mother, the child becomes a threat to the mother’s fragile self-esteem, causing the mother to use envy or demeaning behavior to regain control,” Dr. Abrishami explains.
Emotional dysregulation
“These parents often rely on their children for their sense of worth,” Dr. Abrishami states. “When the child thrives independently, the mother feels a sense of abandonment and reacts with jealousy to protect her own emotions.”
7 Subtle Signs Your Mother Is Jealous of You, According to a Psychologist
Your mother’s jealousy may present subtly. Dr. Abrishami shares seven signs to look out for:
“She quickly shifts the conversation or attributes your success to external factors, like luck,” Dr. Abrishami says. “This indicates an inability to tolerate your competence because it highlights her own perceived shortcomings or unfulfilled potential.”
2. Backhanded compliments
Some compliments don’t feel quite right, and that can be because they're backhanded.
For example, she might say something like, “You actually did well” or “I could never be brave enough to wear that.”
A jealous mom may also respond to your achievements or milestones by sharing a bigger example from her past.
4. Sabotage disguised as concern
To prohibit you from even succeeding in the first place, a jealous mother may discourage you from pursuing an activity or goal.
It’s fair to address both the pros and cons of big decisions like those, but is your mom focusing on the negative without giving the positive some light, too?
“By disengaging, she forces you to pivot from your joy to her needs,” Dr. Abrishami notes. “She also may get attention from others, driving it away from you and towards herself.”
6. Severely critical
“This behavior might look like a mom saying something unnecessarily hurtful and following it up with, ‘I only tell you that because I love you,’” Dr. Abrishami shares. “When a mom does this, she’s abusing her role as mom to degrade your self-confidence and maintain a power balance.”
7. Unfavorable comparisons
“She frequently compares you to siblings or friends who are supposedly doing ‘better’ in life,” Dr. Abrishami states. “This triangulation keeps you in a state of perpetual competition, ensuring you remain focused on gaining her approval rather than enjoying your own growth.”
While similar and often used interchangeably, jealousy and resentment are different. Envy is more about competition, while resentment often indicates a perceived cost.
Put another way, she continues, an envious mother might say, “When I was your age, I had to work a lot harder than that,” and a resentful mother might say, “Sometimes, I wonder who I could’ve been if I hadn’t put myself aside for the family.”
How To Deal With a Jealous Mother
If it’s not obvious already, dealing with a jealous mother is no easy feat. We all deserve mothers who are celebratory of us and warm and loving to us. Biologically, we’re wired to want and need relationships with our parents to feel cared for and safe. And, if your mother can’t give you that, you may have to adjust your expectations.
Limit the information you share about your successes or milestones to reduce her opportunities to minimize them.Seek validation from other sources, such as friends, mentors and therapists.Practice emotionally detaching from your interactions. For example, remind yourself that her backhanded compliments and demeaning language are reflections of her internal struggles, not your character.Set firm boundaries around the conversations you two have. On that note, you’re allowed to end interactions or change the subject to protect yourself. Talk to a therapist who can help you understand and strengthen relationships, figure out how to set and stick to boundaries, boost your self-esteem and encourage you to take care of yourself.
“Bottom line, your mom’s reactions shouldn’t be a source of stress in your life,” Dr. Abrishami concludes.
Related: Psychologist Says These Are the 7 Habits To Avoid With Your Adult Child—and Why They Can Damage Your Relationship
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Dr. Golee Abrishami, PhD, is a psychologist and the VP of Clinical Care at Octave.Hence then, the article about 7 subtle signs your mother is actually jealous of you according to a psychologist was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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