Then, you grew up and realized Disney lied, and perhaps decided Carrie Bradshaw's shoe collection far exceeded Cinderella's, anyway. Fans of Sex and the Citylearned—from Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte's worldly experiences—that long-term relationships are more complicated than a straight trip from "love at first sight" to "happily ever after." People bring different wants, needs and motives to relationships. A relationship psychologist stresses that it's not cynical to uncover these expectations. It's smart.
When people are transparent about what they are looking for in their current season, Dr. Schiff explains that it creates clarity, preventing confusion and resentment later. She says it gives both people a chance to make informed decisions about whether or not the relationship aligns with their current wants and needs. This transparency is especially important these days, when dating apps have created a swipe-and-tap Wild West.
Related: Psychologist Breaks Down the Viral ‘Black Cat’ vs. ‘Golden Retriever’ Relationship Theory
What Is the Taxi Cab Theory?
If we're to believe the taxi cab theory, Dr. Schiff states that the "threshold" is not when someone feels a "click" with someone else, but rather when someone is ready for stability.
In short, love isn't everything—timing is, according to the taxi cab theory.
The pragmatic attorney, Miranda, makes the case for another theory, which has gone on to live in SATC lore as the taxi cab theory: “It’s not fate, his light is on—that’s all,” Miranda starts.
“Men are like cabs," Miranda explains. "When they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and decide they’re ready to settle down, have babies—whatever—and they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up—boom. That’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate, it’s dumb luck.”
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The taxi cab theory may not give you the same butterflies in your stomach as a rewatch of Snow White, but does it hold up?
What matters more: Love or commitment? The taxi cab theory holds that the latter is true, but Dr. Schiff is firmly planted in the middle lane.
However, there's a "but."
While the taxi cab theory (and even Dr. Schiff's Goldilocks approach) sounds less romantic, there's some data to support the taxi cab theory. A 2022 study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that people were less willing to go all in on a relationship when romantic options were available.
And there sure are a lot more options today because of dating apps.
In other words, finding your "why" isn't just for self-help gurus and individual pursuits. It can also remove gray areas from relationships that can one day leave you feeling rather blue.
Still, even if the desire to settle down is there, she emphasizes that shared values and mutual respect remain core pillars of healthy, sustainable relationships.
"Readiness isn't gender-specific and doesn't flip like a switch," she states. "It tends to develop gradually as you experience life, grow and evolve."
How Can You Tell if Someone's Light Is On?
Dr. Schiff shares that people whose lights are on will have consistent behavior.
On the flip side, someone will also show you if their light is off, but it might be subtle.
She notes that you'll want to lean into clear communication if someone's light is on. Are you ready for a long-term relationship? Do your prospective partner's values and motivations align with your goals?
Related: 9 Things Unhealthy Couples Do During Disagreements, Therapists Warn
Miranda had a point: The taxi cab theory has some truth to it. "The taxi cab theory highlights the truth of the matter, which is that timing and readiness can influence when people commit," Dr. Schiff shares.Charlotte does, too: "The theory is somewhat oversimplified because a strong relationship requires more than just timing," she states. Love matters, too, but it doesn't conquer all.The truth is in the middle: The "recipe" for a "love potion" requires many ingredients—not exclusively magic, nor is it just pragmatism. "A healthy long-term partnership with future potential forms when readiness, compatibility, shared values and emotional investment all align," she states.
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Related: 8 Signs You're Actually Too Critical of Your Partner, Psychologists Warn
Source:
Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist.Playing the field or locking down a partner?: Perceptions of available romantic partners and commitment readiness. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.Hence then, the article about does the taxi cab theory hold up a relationship psychologist weighs in was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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