It’s March 5. We’re 10 days away from Selection Sunday.
There’s 1 game left in the regular season for each team and the SEC men’s basketball landscape is looking like a typical morning at Dunder Mifflin: some are crushing it, some are just trying to survive until 5 p.m., and at least one is probably eating a questionable sandwich in the break room.
Here is how every SEC team compares to a character from The Office based on their 2025-26 seasons.
The Executive Suite (Top Teams)
Florida: Jim Halpert — The reigning national champs are back at the top of the SEC, and they’re doing it with that annoying “I’m not even trying that hard” smirk. The Florida Gators have locked up the No. 1 seed in the SEC Tournament and look like the smartest guys in the room, even when they’re just pulling pranks on the rest of the league. Alabama: Andy Bernard — High energy, incredibly loud, and always on. The Alabama offense is like a multi-part a cappella harmony, but when the defense fails, it’s just a guy punching a hole in the drywall. Arkansas: Dwight Schrute — Arkansas will run through a literal wall to beat you in transition. The Hogs are intense, disciplined, and slightly terrifying (especially when Darius Acuff Jr. is at his best). However, when you take away their Michael Scott (Acuff), they don’t quite know what to do. Tennessee: Angela Martin — Strict, judgmental, and will absolutely not allow you to have any fun. The Tennessee defense is the most rigid in the conference. If you take a bad shot, Rick Barnes will look at you with the exact same cold stare Angela gives Kevin.Will any of these top-tier teams win the national title? Here’s what Kalshi has to say:
Prediction Markets 2026 College Basketball Champion? Learn more about Prediction Markets Kalshi Duke 25% Michigan 21% Arizona 15% Florida 12% Houston 6% UConn 5% Illinois 5% Iowa St. 4% Kansas 2% Purdue 2% PredictThe Accounting Department (Middle of the Pack)
Mizzou: Pam Beesly — Maybe the biggest surprise of the year. Mizzou spent years being the “receptionist” of the conference, constantly overlooked, but the Tigers finally found their voice. They’re winning games they shouldn’t (even though they also frequently lose games they should win) and are officially a threat to the big dogs. Vanderbilt: Oscar Martinez — Efficient, rational, and quietly more successful than anyone expected. While the flashy teams are arguing, Vanderbilt is just sitting there with a spreadsheet and a high BPI ranking, wondering why everyone else is so chaotic. Kentucky: Stanley Hudson — They have the talent, they have the tenure, but honestly? They look like they’re just doing a crossword puzzle until the season ends. It’s been a disappointing year in Lexington, and expecting Kentucky to put forth the effort to make a deep run in the postseason is a fool’s errand. Texas A&M: Ryan Howard — The “Wunderkind” who started the season at the top of the standings in January and then suffered a spectacular corporate collapse. They’re currently hanging out at the bowling alley (the bubble), hoping for a second chance. A win over Kentucky this week certainly helps with that.The Annex (The Wildcards)
Texas: Kelly Kapoor — “I have a lot of questions. Number one: how dare you?” The Texas Longhorns had a dramatic late-season rise, and they will make sure you hear about it. They are high-energy, high-drama, and desperately want to be the center of the NCAA Tournament conversation. A 20-point loss to Arkansas on Wednesday has the Longhorns reeling again, though, much like Kelly is prone to doing. Georgia: Phyllis Vance — You think the Georgia Bulldogs are harmless until they pull a huge upset (like the one over Alabama this week) and remind you that they have a lot of subtle power. They’re quiet, but they’ve got a mean streak. Auburn: Toby Flenderson — “Why are you the way that you are?” A total free-fall in the standings has turned this season into one long, sad HR meeting for the Auburn Tigers. Every time they try to do something fun, the schedule says “No.”The Break Room (The Bottom Tier)
Oklahoma: Kevin Malone — The Oklahoma Sooners are trying their best. They really are. But occasionally, they just drop the giant pot of chili right in the middle of the SEC floor and have to try to scoop it back up with clipboards. Mississippi State: Creed Bratton — Nobody is entirely sure what’s going on in Starkville. They have some weird wins, some inexplicable losses, and at this point, we’re all just waiting to see what they’ll do next. Ole Miss: Gabe Lewis — Just an awkward presence. They’re on the schedule, they’re in the room, but everyone is a little bit uncomfortable and mostly just waiting for the game to be over so they can move on. LSU: Meredith Palmer — Absolute chaos. LSU will score 106 points in a win over Ole Miss and then, next time out, finish with 67 points in a blowout loss to Oklahoma. It’s messy, it’s loud, and while it isn’t “good” basketball, sometimes you can’t look away. South Carolina: Todd Packer — The South Carolina Gamecocks came into the season, caused a lot of headaches for themselves, and now everyone is just waiting for them to leave the building so the real tournament can start.Comparing every SEC men’s basketball team to a character from ‘The Office’ Saturday Down South.
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