The Orange County Deathworkers Alliance wants to chat about your inevitable demise. Yes, members say, they’re a blast at parties!
The Alliance is not a grief support group exactly, but a collection of caregivers, doulas, doctors, organizers and the like who help folks get a grip on the details attendant to their own mortality, and/or the mortality of loved ones.
Its next “Death Cafe” will be from 5 to 6:15 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 22, at the Neighborhood Congregational Church’s Bridge Hall, 341 St. Ann’s Drive, in Laguna Beach. The chats are free and happen monthly.
Expect informal, open conversation about end-of-life planning, death and dying, shared over tea, cakes, pastries, cheese and crackers, plus “pretty decent wine” for those over 21, (which, thus far, applies to everyone the Alliance has hosted.)
“Our Death Cafés give guests a welcoming, nonjudgmental place to talk about death. It’s healthy to discuss the emotional, spiritual, and practical topics around the end of life,” said co-founder and end-of-life consultant Barbara McMurray in a statement.
Japonica or Flowering Quince tree. (Getty Images)Death Cafés are a global movement, allowing people to discuss the oft-taboo thoughts and questions they have about the end of life. Organizers say the format encourages folks to share personal stories, explore their feelings and/or simply listen to other perspectives in a supportive atmosphere.
OC Deathworkers Alliance members will be on hand to answer practical questions about advance directives, caregiving, medical aid in dying, hospice, body disposition, home funerals, etc. They emphasize the importance of emotional support and connection during this challenging time of life, organizers said.
McMurray created the OC Deathworkers Alliance in May 2024 with end-of-life consultants (aka “death doulas”) Rickie Redman and Debbie Naudé. They provide non-medical support to individuals and families and seek to “normalize” discussions about death as a natural part of the cycle of life.
Options
California is one of more than a dozen states where medical-aid-in-dying (MAID) is legal. The End of Life Option Act allows adults of sound mind, who have a terminal diagnosis and six months or less to live (and who can administer the drugs themselves), to request life-ending medication from a physician.
California’s law took effect in 2016 and had a built-in sunset date of 2031. In September, Gov. Gavin Newsom signed into law a bill eliminating that sunset date, giving peace-of-mind to many Californians who want to keep that option open in the coming decades.
“Californians with painful, debilitating terminal illnesses should have the option to avoid pointless suffering and die with dignity, if they wish, without fear of this option expiring,” said the bill’s author, Sen. Catherine Blakespear, D-Encinitas, after the governor’s approval.
Opponents argue that the aid-in-dying laws hasten vulnerable people to the grave, but data have not borne that out. Last year, only 1,032 Californians took the medication and died. But in Canada, which has a similar aid-in-dying law, more than 15,000 people opted for that route. Canada and California have almost identical populations.
The state has collected data about who opts to use the aid-in-dying law. In 2024, they were overwhelming White (86.7%) and had at least some college education (75.2%), according to state data. The majority had cancer (60%), followed by cardiovascular disease (13.8%), neurological disease (10.3%), respiratory diseases (6.2%) and other diseases (9.8%). Their median age was 78, but nearly 1 in 5 was 90 or older (18.2%). Almost all were already on hospice and/or palliative care (94.8%), and most died in the comfort of their homes (85.3%).
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