DEAR HARRIETTE: I gained a lot of weight over the past year. When I was home for the holidays, several of my family members commented about it.
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I don’t want to be mean to them, but I need them to stop. I never comment about their weight; I go out of my way to be kind to them and to say nice things only.
Part of me wants to curse them out. What should I say?
— Weight Gain
DEAR WEIGHT GAIN: Next time you see them or when you speak to one of them on the phone, you can say you need to tell them something: You need them to stop making you their punching bag.
Explain that you don’t find it funny when they tease you about your weight — whether it’s up or down. Point out that you never evaluate their physicality, and you would appreciate it if they would stop analyzing yours.
If they brush it off and say it’s all in jest, tell them that you don’t find it funny.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a mountain of debt, and no matter how optimistic I am, I don’t see a way out.
Work is virtually nonexistent, and it has been this way for more than a year. I have cut back on all my expenses to the best of my ability, but I’m still suffering. I don’t want to ask anyone for help, but I don’t know what to do.
Sometimes I think I would be better off just ending my life. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I don’t see any viable options to climb out of this hole. How can I be more positive?
— Is It the End?
DEAR IS IT THE END?: I’m so sorry that you are in this situation. You are not alone, even though you may feel that way. This is a difficult time for many people.
Please do not isolate yourself. Pick up the phone and get help. Call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-784-2433. Talk to a mental health professional who will listen with compassion and support.
According to HelpGuide.org you can do some other things to change your mindset, too:
1. Know that your emotions are not fixed — they are constantly changing. How you feel today may not be the same as how you felt yesterday or how you’ll feel tomorrow or next week.
2. Your absence would create grief and anguish in the lives of friends and loved ones.
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4. Your ability to experience pleasurable emotions is equal to your ability to experience distressing emotions.
As for the financial aspect, make a budget and keep chipping away at your debt. Think about taking on a part-time job or doing odd jobs around the neighborhood for some extra money. You might consider debt relief or declaring bankruptcy. Keep your head up. It will get better.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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