What Is the Most Important Thing To Remember When Raising a Teen?
While it sometimes seems there's an overwhelming amount of things to remember when raising a teen, Dr. Perepletchikova sums up the most important one of all. "Adolescence is a time in life where exploration, boundary-pushing and questioning authority lead to growth and self-discovery," she states. "What parents might see as a reckless inconvenience and lamentable loss of their once-pleasant kid is, in fact, both a natural and necessary personal evolution where abstract and critical thinking are fostered through newfound individuality."Basically, no matter how much you try to exert your control in certain situations, your child is ultimately their own person. This newfound sense of identity may come as a shock to some parents, but Dr. Perepletchikova says it's something to be embraced. "They will have their own wants, needs, interests, priorities, distastes and hopes," she further explains. "While they may not be fully developed or completely grasp the reality of the world around them, they are in no way lesser and deserve respect as separate individuals."
Oliver Rossi/Getty Images
She shares questions to ponder over:
"Did you fear your family or find comfort in their presence and have freedom to vent?" "Did you feel stifled in your hobbies, veered towards a path you never wanted for the sake of stability, based on your family’s declarations?" "Were you constantly unhappy and never given the privacy you deserved?"Dr. Perepletchikova explains that you can think of a "relationship bank" as an equal exchange of healthy behavior when it comes to your relationship with your child. "Parents and grandparents can only expect to get a consistent positive responding from their teens if they have built enough 'cash' in their child-parent relationship bank," she explains. "Screaming, blaming, shaming, criticizing, judging, forcing, lecturing and using downward comparisons are examples of harmful invalidation that drains the relationship bank into [a] negative balance."Instead, to build up the "cash" in your relationship bank, she suggests acceptance, validation, modeling positive behaviors, demonstrating unconditional love and spending time with children on their terms (i.e., doing things that children prefer). These are "deposits" that build a positive balance in the relationship bank. This will help you navigate future conflict in a healthier way, and your child is more likely to communicate more positively if you've built a strong "relationship bank."
2. Validate more, fix less
Even if your teen doesn't seem like they always want to have quality time together, Dr. Sheppard says it's still one of the best things you can do for your relationship with them. Inviting them to spend time with you in a low-pressure way is the way to go. "Things like taking a walk, going on a drive or making a meal together give space for organic conversation without feeling forced," she explains.
4. Have conversations, not interrogations
Although it might seem like teens are always onto something new, Dr. Sheppard says to use this as an opportunity. You can spend extra quality time with your teen by allowing them to teach you about something new that they're interested in. "Whether it's a new app or a trend, letting them be the expert who builds confidence and connection," she shares.Related: 11 Phrases Child Psychologists Say Can Secretly Harm a Child’s Confidence
6. Practice mindfulness together
As Dr. Perepletchikova mentioned, it's important not to shame or express extreme disappointment, especially if your teen does something like receive a low grade. Dr. Sheppard adds to this, recommending that parents and grandparents celebrate effort and help the teen understand themself better rather than focusing expressly on an outcome. "Whether it's a tough school week or an emotional win, let them know you see how hard they're trying," she adds.
8. Encourage autonomy and decision-making
Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 10 Responses
Sources:
Dr. Victoria Sheppard, PhD, is a licensed child psychologist who specializes in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).Dr. Francheska Perepletchikova, PhD, is a licensed psychologist and founder of Child DBT.Hence then, the article about psychologists are begging parents and grandparents to do these 8 things with teens was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Do These 8 Things With Teens )
Also on site :