When you're in an intimate relationship, there are bound to be times when you have to offer constructive feedback. Honesty can help you repair and grow as a couple. However, there's such a thing as too much criticism, and it can spell trouble for a relationship."Excess criticism is one of the biggest predictors of a relationship ending," says Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, the chief psychological officer with recovered.org. "Recognizing its toxic presence in your relationship and changing course could save you from ruining something you value, and bring more happiness and harmony to you both."Now, to be clear, the criticism may come from a well-meaning place."When you care about someone, you might think that pointing out their mistakes or giving constant feedback will help them grow or improve the relationship," says Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "However, when criticism shows up too often, it can slowly chip away at emotional trust."Understanding the signs you're being too critical of your partner lets you draw better lines between "constructive feedback" and "constant negativity." Psychologists share the red flags that you're overly critical of your partner and what to do next.Related: 'I’m a Psychologist—Here’s the #1 Reason You Might Need Marriage Counseling'
8 Signs You're Too Critical of Your Partner, Psychologists Warn
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2. You correct them in everyday conversations
Conversations about dinner, current events and last year's vacation can turn into an editing session when you're too critical of your partner."You may jump in to fix small details or retell their story the 'right' way," Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains. "It might feel harmless to you, but it can make your partner feel dismissed, embarrassed or like their voice is not valued."
4. No issue is too small for you
Life is full of mountains and molehills. However, people who are too critical of their partners only see the mountains (even if they're actually molehills, like putting the cap back on the toothpaste or installing the toilet paper a certain way)."In healthy relationships, you can see things as wrong or as different from the way you would do it without turning it into an attack," Dr. Vinall shares.Related: People With ‘Control Issues’ Often Use These 11 Subtle Tactics, According to Psychologists
6. You view your partner as 'having potential'
It's a backhanded compliment. "While this might sound generous, a healthy relationship means accepting one another in all your imperfections, just as you are," Dr. Vinall says. "While never accepting abusive behavior, healthy relationships view imperfections as lovable—or at least acceptable—quirks, rather than faults to fix."
8. You're too hard on yourself
Plot twist?"Perhaps surprisingly, criticism does not necessarily mean you think you are better than your partner," Dr. Vinall says. "It is likely you have internalized a negative voice that has become a constant stream of put-downs. You don't feel good about yourself, either, and you're just sharing the misery with your partner."Related: 'Am I the Problem?' A Relationship Therapist Shares 7 Warning Signs
2. Balance feedback with genuine appreciation
This one is huge in towing a healthy line between constructive feedback that supports growth (of both of you as individuals and as a couple) and constant criticism. "Make an effort to acknowledge their efforts, strengths and positives," Dr. Schiff says. "If positive reinforcement is consistent, your partner will feel seen, appreciated and valued, which can reduce the negative impact of occasional critiques."
3. Seek help
Related: 8 Signs of Doing the 'Bare Minimum' in a Relationship, According to Psychologists
Sources:
Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, is the chief psychological officer with recovered.org.Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., is a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor.Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist.Dr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele.Hence then, the article about psychologists warn 8 signs you re actually too critical of your partner was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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