Even though actor Rebecca Gayheart said she went through a lot of tumult in her 15-year-old marriage to “Grey’s Anatomy” star Eric Dane, she said he’s still family, as she describes how she has become one of his primary caregivers as he lives with the increasingly debilitating symptoms of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS.
In this support role, Gayheart has regularly had to battle with insurance companies to make sure that Dane, from whom she has been separated since 2017, receives adequate health services, including round-the-clock nursing care, as she reveals in a new essay for The Cut.
“Eric has 24/7 nurses now,” wrote Gayheart, who shares two daughters, Billie, 15, and Georgia, 13, with Dane, 53. The company twice denied her request for full-time nursing care but she said she “locked it in” and prevailed after filing appeal after appeal.
“The week is divided into 21 shifts,” she said. “There are times that shifts aren’t covered, so I cover them.”
LOS ANGELES, CA - JUNE 03: Chrysalis Butterfly Ball Co-chair Rebecca Gayheart-Dane (L) and Actor Eric Dane with Georgia Dane and Billie Beatrice Dane at the 16th Annual Chrysalis Butterfly Ball on June 3, 2017 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images for Chrysalis Butterfly Ball)Elsewhere in her essay, Gayheart writes about the moment that Dane called her from his neurologist’s office in San Francisco, his hometown, to inform her that he had just been diagnosed with ALS. The degenerative and incurable disease, which also is known as Lou Gehrig’s disease, depletes and destroys the nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord, eventually causing paralysis.
Gayheart wrote that she took Dane’s call in the closet so that she wouldn’t be overheard by one of their daughters. She said Dane had long had “a sinking feeling” that something was wrong after he began to struggle with certain movements, such as using chopsticks to pick up food. “When he told me that day, he just started weeping, as did I,” Gayheart said.
Even though they have long led separate lives and no longer considered themselves a couple, Gayheart said she loves him “deeply.”
“It’s a very complicated relationship, one that’s confusing for people,” Gayheart said. “Our love may not be romantic, but it’s a familial love. Eric knows that I am always going to want the best for him. That I’m going to do my best to do right by him. And I know he would do the same for me. So whatever I can do or however I can show up to make this journey better for him or easier for him, I want to do that.”
Gayheart also said she wants to model that kind of love and support for their daughters. “That’s what you do. That’s the right thing to do,” she said, while explaining how she and their daughters are often at Dane’s house, just a 12-minute drive from their own home.
Dane announced in April that he has ALS. In June, the San Mateo High graduate appeared on “Good Morning America” to tell Diane Sawyer that he’s “fighting” to stay healthy and active as long as he can. At the time, the “Euphoria” actor also revealed that he had already lost the use of his right arm and could soon lose the use of his left. “There’s so much about it that’s out of my control,” acknowledged Dane, speaking slowly and carefully.
Dane said that his symptoms began more than a year earlier, when he began to experience weakness in his right hand. The weakness got worse, and he saw two hand specialists and then a couple of neurologists before he received his ALS diagnosis.
“It’s a terrible, terrible disease,” Gayheart said, explaining how there is “no road map” for how the disease will progress in each individual. “No matter how prepared you are, or how much I prepare the girls, or how much Eric prepares himself, he’ll wake up one morning and there’s something else that is an obstacle, or he’s lost the ability to do one more thing — it just comes out of nowhere.”
In December, Dane appeared on a virtual panel hosted by the advocacy organization I am ALS, the New York Daily News reported. He became a spokesperson for the nonprofit following his diagnosis.
“I have no reason to be in a good spirit at any time, on any given day,” Dane told viewers. “I don’t think anybody would blame me if I went upstairs in my bedroom, crawled under the sheets, and spent the next two weeks crying.”
But Dane said he’s found a core of resilience and has returned to acting, playing a firefighter on the medical drama “Brilliant Minds” who is struggling to tell his family he has ALS, the Daily News said. The episode aired on Nov. 24. Dane said it was a physical and emotional challenge to play the part of someone going through the same thing he is. But he was gratified to receive a 10-minute standing ovation from the cast and crew after he filmed his scene. Dane also said he planned to continue taking “ALS-centric parts.”
Meanwhile, Gayheart wrote in The Cut that she is preparing for when Dane will no longer be able to work, saying she’s stepped up efforts to get acting roles. Fortunately for Gayheart, she’s always liked working. But she’s also trying to emphasize self-care for herself and her daughters.
“I don’t want them to feel guilty for still just going out and being kids,” Gayheart wrote. “I don’t want us sitting around thinking, This horrible thing is happening, so I’m not allowed to ever be happy or feel joy, or waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want us, them and myself, to try to focus more on the present and make today meaningful.”
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