Adam Buxton’s Christmas Day podcast is as traditional as turkey and crackers for many of us, but this year he kicked it off with a controversial statement.“I hope this podcast finds you well,” he said, cheerily. Then he paused, before adding, “My wife informed me the other day she doesn’t like that phrase. Do you ever use that at the top of an email? I do. ‘I hope this email finds you well.’ I quite like it.”
Mrs Buxton, it turns out, does not share this view. “She thinks it’s pointless and annoying,” he explained. “I thought that was a very strong opinion to have about starting an email with, ‘I hope this finds you well.’”
Adam has touched on something important here. His wife’s is indeed a strong opinion, but it’s also completely correct. And maybe enough is enough.
It’s nearly the end of 2025, we’re about to have a fresh, clean slate, a chance for a do-over. If we unite and take a stand, we could really make a difference here. So which communication clichés should we all make it our New Year’s resolution to stop using?
In emails, as well as being found well, of course, any direction-based chat must be axed – circling back, looping in, reaching out, going forward. Let’s never suggest anybody hop on a call, unless they are a rabbit. All weather-related openers must go, e.g. hope you’re enjoying the sunshine. And any business which sends a former customer a message with “We miss you!” in the subject field, please know: it’s not cute, it’s creepy.
If only resorting to tired old phrases was only done via the written word – regrettably this is far from the case. Restaurants are a particular IRL danger zone, far beyond gags about having to do the washing up instead of paying. Waiters must have to stifle screams every time they set down a sharing platter and are greeted with some wag quipping: “Well here’s mine, what’s everyone else having?” See also: “We didn’t like it,” as empty plates are cleared, and “No thanks, I’m sweet enough,” when asked if sugar is required for their hot drink.
Name-based “jokes” are very tempting, but – speaking as somebody called Polly – please do try to resist, because we have definitely heard them all before, repeatedly, since birth. Yes, even unsaturated/filla/technic/gon/parrot/put the kettle on. Sigh.
And then there are the situation-centric comments so easy to fall back on, even though you know you will hate yourself the second the words leave your lips, and that unless you’re saying them to an alien during his first minute on Earth, the recipient will despise you even more.
Like seeing someone washing their car and yelling: “You can do mine next!” Or, if they’re cleaning anything else – their windows, bloodstains off the carpet from the last person who was this tedious – “You’ve missed a bit!”Other groan-inducers include answering “Time you got a watch!” when someone asks you what time it is, “Enjoy your trip,” if they stumble and “The Tour de France is that way,” to any cyclist unfortunate enough to cross your path.
Some of these lexicon landmines are activated by specific occupations, like, “You could have bought me dinner first,” to a security guard who pats you down, or telling your postman he can keep the bills. If you’re buying a scratchcard, are asked which one you would like and reply, “The winning one please!” rest assured that person would rig it for you to lose if they could.
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Hopefully this doesn’t need to even be clarified at this point, but nobody should be mentioning turning it off and back on again to those who work in IT. Or asking of the item is free if it doesn’t scan at a supermarket check-out.
Ditto enquiring about the weather up there to the tall; making any remark about a cake with a file in it or dropping soap in relation to prison; or answering the question “Did you get a haircut?” with “No, I got them all cut.”
And finally, unless you are a duck, or are talking to a duck, it is not your place to comment on whether this weather is nice for them. Clear? I know, I know – as mud. Sheesh.
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