In the middle of a diaper change or during a teenage shouting contest, parents might dream of the day they are on the "same page" as their kids once they become adults. Yet, families don't all start speaking the same language once a child hits a certain age. In fact, the age gaps between parents and their children—which will never change—may also lead to perpetual differences in communication style. This includes during conflict as well."Meaning ‘travels’ and is interpreted differently depending on... what environments you were taught how to speak, how you were raised to define certain concepts... and what emotions were and were not allowed in your home and in the world," explains Dr. Janine O’Brien, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and owner of Dr. Janine O’Brien, Therapy and Consultation.She warns that when you don't keep that context in mind, you "end up arguing with someone’s history instead of the person in front of you."As a result, communication and relationships can break down. Even if something doesn't start out badly, it can quickly get there if you don't stop and try to meet your child halfway. To help you better communicate, especially when tensions are high, psychologists share seven phrases parents say during conflict that adult children often misinterpret. They also give insights on how to better disagree with your adult kids.Related: 7 Common Gaslighting Phrases Boomers Use With Their Adult Children, Psychologists Say
7 Things Parents Say During Conflict That Adult Children Often Misinterpret, Psychologists Say
Drazen Zigic/Getty Images
2. 'I didn't raise you like that.'
An oldie but not-so-goodie. "The adult child hears shame or policing," Dr. O'Brien says.She concedes that while it might be just that—depending on the parent—that's not always the case."Often, it’s [the parents] feeling powerless and unsure how to relate to [their child] now that [they 're] an adult," she explains.
4. 'I never said that.'
Dr. Dale Atkins, PhD.—a licensed psychologist and author of the forthcoming children's book, The Turquoise Butterfly—notes that parents and adult children may remember situations differently. A parent may also want to "clarify the record.""Adult children may hear it as manipulation or gaslighting, even when that’s not the intention," she explains. "The emotional charge of differing memories can create misinterpretation and misunderstanding."Related: The One Simple Step To Take for a Better Relationship with Your Adult Kids, According to Psychologists
6. 'Back when I was your age…'
Honestly? This phrase is usually triggering in childhood and throughout adulthood. "Parents often intend this as perspective—a bridge between decades and experiences," Dr. Atkins states. "Adult children can experience it as invalidation, as if their current reality is being minimized and a competition or comparison that has no place in the conversation."Dr. Lally isn't a fan of comparisons either."The adult child can misunderstand it as a lecture... leading to frustration and a sense of being misunderstood," she states.
1. Communicate with honesty
Relationships will naturally change over time, and it's best not to ignore this fact."Both parents and adult children should be aware that all relationship dynamics will shift over time, and the best way to navigate this is with open, honest communication about your desires and expectations," Dr. Lally says.
3. Listen to understand, not to lecture
This one is critical."We can often learn a lot from our adult children, who have traveled their own path and learned from their unique journeys," Dr. Lally explains. "It’s fine to offer a perspective, but it’s more productive if it feels like an exchange of ideas than an attempt to dismiss or judge their perspective."Up Next:
Related: 7 Ways To Stay Close With Adult Children Without Being Overbearing
Sources:
Dr. Janine O’Brien, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist and owner of Dr. Janine O’Brien, Therapy and Consultation.Dr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., is a psychologist and the founder of Duality Psychological Services.Dr. Dale Atkins, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of the forthcoming book, The Turquoise Butterfly.Dr. Tara M. Lally, Ph.D., is the chief psychologist at Ocean University Medical Center.Hence then, the article about 7 things parents say during conflict that adult children often misinterpret according to psychologists was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( 7 Things Parents Say During Conflict That Adult Children Often Misinterpret, According to Psychologists )
Also on site :