You may remember the joy of Christmasmorning or opening gifts during special family dinners during Hanukkah. Yet, those good cheer feelings may feel like ghosts of holiday seasons past now that you're grown and flown the coop. Gift-giving can put a strain on your finances, time and overall emotional well-being. Boundaries around gift-giving may seem like a "naughty" thing to do, but psychologists actually recommend it."It can get way out of hand if you don’t, in some cases—not just for the giver but also the receiver," states Dr. Hannah Yang, Psy.D., a psychologist with Balanced Awakening. "Everyone involved benefits when there are pre-established boundaries, including having lower stress levels and feeling more positive feelings in connection with others."How you set boundaries around gift-giving matters, though. You don't want to give off bah humbug vibes. Psychologists share tips for how to set boundaries around gift-giving without sounding rude to help you Scrooge-proof your approach.Related: Psychologists Say These 12 ‘Nice’ Habits Actually Cause More Holiday Stress
Why Psychologists Recommend Setting Boundaries Around Gift Giving
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While it's less romantic than visions of sugar plums dancing in your head, Dr. Yang shares that thinking about how you want gift-giving to go can make the holiday season less of a nightmare. Ask yourself: How do I want to use my resources? "You could decide that you’re going to create a story about how 'this year we’re focusing on travel savings' or 'we’re doing a low waste holiday,'" she notes. "If you present your gift-giving boundaries as part of a larger narrative that makes sense in the context of you and your life, people are more likely to understand and not feel defensive or hurt with whatever you choose when it comes to gift-giving."
2. Adjust your mindset
Lists aren't just for Santa and planning. Dr. Yang shares that writing out why you're setting boundaries around gift-giving can help you feel good about your choices. "Make a list of all of the pros for you in making this decision," she recommends. "Boost your own confidence in your decision before you talk to anyone else."
4. Start early
The holidays are loaded in general, and discussing gifts can take things to the next level, especially if finances are wrapped up in your need for boundaries. However, Dr. Vinall emphasizes it's crucial to be clear about your limits."Vague preferences lead to exasperation on all sides," she says.For instance, she suggests setting a narrow spending range rather than telling extended family "not to spend too much on gifts." You can also tell kids in advance to prepare wish lists, with the understanding that they will only receive X items or gifts under a certain amount of money. Dr. Vinall says this approach is more straightforward than a vague phrase like "we're going to have a simpler Christmas or Hanukkah this year."Related: 40+ Holiday Food and Drink Gifts for Everyone On Your List
6. Be specific
Dr. Yang is a big fan of clear, specific and assertive communication. However, one way to keep gift-giving boundaries from coming off as rude is to mix in communication that feels good. She says this might look like saying, "I’m not doing gifts this year, but I’d love to bake something special for everyone.”"In this way, you are being clear in terms of your gift-giving boundary... but that no is softened when you offer an alternative that still feels good to everyone," she shares.Dr. Saidi agrees, adding that boundaries "feel gentler when they come with options," such as homemade cards instead of the trendiest item of the season.
8. Be consistent
One way to avoid holiday drama, especially around gift-giving expectations, is to set the same boundaries for each "equivalent" family member (for example, two adult kids). Dr. Vinall says consistency can help prevent hurt or misunderstanding."If you tell your son not to buy you anything this year, tell your daughter that as well," she shares. "If you tell your parents not to buy more than two gifts per child, tell your in-laws the same."
10. Let go of guilt if others choose differently
You can set the clearest, kindest and most specific boundaries in the world, and someone still may do something else. Remember, you can only control yourself."Boundaries can be stressful if you start to feel responsible for others," Dr. Saidi warns. "You can set your own limit clearly and kindly, but it is ultimately up to others how they feel about it."If someone oversteps, she suggests remaining level-headed—kind, even—especially if the person likely meant well."Staying consistent and warm reinforces that you are not rejecting them but rather protecting your own peace and financial resources," Dr. Saidi explains.Up Next:
Related: 60 Cheery, Heartfelt Ways To Sign a Christmas Card This Holiday Season
Sources:
Dr. Hannah Yang, Psy.D., is a psychologist with Balanced Awakening.Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, is the chief psychological officer with recovered.org.Hence then, the article about how to set boundaries around gift giving without sounding rude according to psychologists was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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