There have been many parenting styles to make waves on the internet. But take a seat, gentle parenting. See ya never again, FAFO. Remember authoritarian parenting? Well, it's a thing of the past. And "hybrid parenting"? We hardly knew you (sorry, Gen-Z). The internet has a new parenting style to critique: Roommate parenting. Even if you've never heard this term before, you might know someone living like this with their own kids. It might be your best friend or your kid's BFF's parents. Maybe it was even your own parents—and now it's you. It's also not hard to deduce where this term got its name."'Roommate parenting' is the phrase given to a parenting style in which there is limited interaction and oversight of the children by the parents," says Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.The term was popularized on Reddit in 2024, and it's grown in popularity on TikTok. But even though the name is newer, this type of parenting has always existed. And psychologists say we still need to talk about it. They share more about what roommate parenting is. Also, they discuss the signs you're a roommate parent, and how to stop it.Related: People Who Were Raised by ‘Lighthouse Parents’ Often Develop These 9 Traits as Adults, a Psychologist Says
What Is Roommate Parenting, Exactly?
Don't shame spiral just yet. Dr. Smith is a realist: She knows youth sports and work can get in the way of dinners together from time to time. That's not her beef. "Not all meals need to be shared as a family," she states. "However, consistently eating separately, especially if there is not a scheduling reason that warrants it, can be an indicator of living more like roommates than family."
2. You're unaware of your child's activities
If you and your child spend most of your time at home in separate rooms, it's a sign that you may be roommate parenting. Again, regularity is key here."It is important, particularly for teens, to have private space to retreat," Dr. Vinall says. "Still, healthy parent-child dynamics are also characterized by comfort and desire to spend time working or relaxing in one another's company."She shares that proximity opens the door for casual conversations.Related: This Common Habit Can ‘Backfire’ in Families, Parenting Expert Warns
4. Sharing space but not interacting
Count this roommate-parenting flag among the many gripes teachers have with the style."When a parent is involved and observant of study patterns or engaged in conversations about their child's school struggles or successes, what is reflected on the report card won't come as too much of a surprise," Dr. Vinall notes.
6. You've missed more parent-teacher conferences than you've attended
Teachers aren't the only ones who bear the brunt of roommate parenting. Dr. Smith says siblings do, too (We see you, eldest daughters and other parentified children)."In this situation, the parent is putting off parenting responsibilities to the older child that fall within the bounds of a parent," she shares.To be clear, she isn't suggesting that an older sibling wouldn't have more responsibilities—like chores—than a younger sibling. Often, this "imbalance" is actually developmentally appropriate."However, some parents treat that child as a mini-adult instead of maintaining their own appropriate roles as parents," Dr. Smith clarifies.
8. Disinterest in the child and their interests
Psychologists aren't asking parents to go Olivia Benson on their kids. But there's a happy medium."A parent does not need to be an interrogator, but some questions need to be asked to foster connection," Dr. Smith explains. "Questions show interest, especially when they can be tailored to the person and what is happening within their life."Related: 5 Phrases a Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying
10. Letting kids fend for themselves too often
This one comes as a direct result of #10 above. Dr. Vinall shares that the life skills a child of a roommate parent has before their peers may include doing laundry, preparing meals or using public transportation.Okay, wait—what's the problem, here, again?"While these skills are valuable, if they are far ahead of their peers, it's worth considering how many other signs of roommate parenting are present," Dr. Vinall says.If a child is doing these tasks because their roommate parent just doesn't—and perhaps never or rarely did—it's an issue.Related: If You Heard These 9 Phrases as a Kid, Your Parent May Have Been Emotionally Unavailable
3 Tips To Stop Roommate Parenting
1. Address it directly
Roommate-parent-child relationships won't be fixed in one conversation. Instead, it's going to take consistent intention. Dr. Smith suggests carving out time together when you might:
Ask the child questionsShare about yourselfWork on puzzles togetherDanceCraftWalkHave meals together without devicesPlay together Read a younger child a story3. Make it clear that you're a resource
Dr. Smith suggests parents make sure the child knows that they can come to them."Whether it be with homework or life experiences, it is important for a child to know their parent will be there," she says. " You do not have to problem-solve all the time, either. Sometimes just having a space to talk and to know someone is there for whatever may be needed is helpful."Up Next:
Related: These 11 Phrases Can Help You Raise Emotionally Resilient Kids, Psychologists Say
Sources:
Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, is the Chief Psychological Officer with Recovered.org.Dr. Emily Guarnotta, Psy.D., PMH-C, is a psychologist and the founder of Phoenix Health.Hence then, the article about 11 signs you re roommate parenting and how to stop it according to psychologists was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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