It’s that time of year again. The leaves underfoot are mulchy and brown, the dogs have endured the bonfire night fireworks, and Mariah Carey is defrosting as we speak. The Christmas creep has begun in force, so what better time to taste-test mince pies?
But not just any mince pies. In recent years, major supermarket brands in the UK have pushed the limits of what can reasonably be called a mince pie (traditionally a small round pie filled with a sweet mix of raisins, apples, candied peel, suet and spice): from remixing the mincemeat’s flavour profiles to fully doing away with the fruit altogether. The question at every supermarket’s taste kitchen seems to be, ‘What could we do to a mince pie?’ Rather than what they should.
That said, the allure of novelty and hybrid flavours is now a mainstay of all holidays and, when the concoction hits, it can really hit. Last December, M&S released the viral Charcuter-tree, and at Easter, M&S treated us to the ‘Dippy Egg’ filled Hot Cross Buns. No doubt that all the supermarket brands are making their own play to grab consumers’ interest and establish themselves as the premium novelty item this year. The only surprise is that there weren’t more pistachio-laden, Dubai chocolate inspired mince pie offerings – next year, I’m sure.
Now, I am both an optimist and a glutton for punishment. I love mince pies but am not a purist – I think that playing with the classics, or spinning entirely off them, is genuinely worth doing for the few that work well. So, surely, among the piles of tarts sent to The i Paper office, there must be at least a few options that you don’t just take a picture of for the group chat with the caption ‘WTF?!’?
Rodney Reindeer Chocolate Brownie Pies
£3 per four pack, M&S
Here is the first of what M&S lists as their “mincemeat-free!” mince pies. The filling is a Belgian chocolate brownie, with a little reindeer on top. It’s cute but not particularly appetising looking.
While I imagine kids would like this, I found this to be a really unpleasant combination of textures. The brownie felt underbaked (it didn’t have that crisp upper layer you get on a good one), but also too thick to contrast enough with the pastry. It all dulled together into a mush, with little flavour contrast between the two. Rodney also verges on being too sweet. For this to work, you’d want a rich cocoa flavour and a crisp buttery tart – neither of which are here. Again, for kids who hate raisins, it’s probably a good option, but disappointing for anyone else.2/5
Specially Selected Ballycastle Mince Pies
£2.29 per four pack, Aldi
Aldi has stayed in familiar territory here as the traditional pie is topped with an Irish liqueur buttercream (Ballycastle is Aldi for Bailey’s). And these pies do scratch a certain itch. The mincemeat is spiced well, and the pastry is inoffensive.
But both the flavours and proportions are dominated by the topping. You can barely taste the liqueur in the icing; it is just so sugar-forward that it’s a bit sickly. This makes sense, as the only way to keep any dairy-based topping shelf-stable outside a fridge is to fill it to the gills with sugar. But given that icing makes up two-thirds of the filling, I wouldn’t go back for another.
2/5
The Best Cherry Bakewell Mince Pies
£3.50 per four pack, Morrisons
This pie attempts to combine a cherry bakewell (lovely) with a mince pie (lovely). Sadly, it fails on both counts. While the description outlines how there is frangipane, almonds and a mincemeat made with glacé cherries, it was mainly just doughy. I could barely taste the cherry or any mincemeat and was essentially having a dry mouthful of frangipane and pastry that crumbled in my hands. It wasn’t unpleasant, but I could not finish a whole pie.
2/5
No.1 Crumble Top Mince Pies with Cranberry & Orange
£4 per pack of four, Waitrose
These are the only pies that come without a case, and they are also the widest of the lot. This feels like a bold choice, but it turns out that confidence is warranted.
This, to me, is an ideal riff on a mince pie. The flavour profile is still seasonal but is distinct from the traditional mincemeat, and it is delicious. The balance between the sharpness of the cranberries and the sweetness of the orange is genuinely delightful, and the pastry is lovely. The crumbles are fun too, though many end up spilling all over the floor when I take a bite.
I am once again calling for more filling. I think the pastry was a bit too dominant. But these are otherwise beautiful – ones that even a purist would enjoy. Loved it.
4/5 RUNNER UP
Exceptional 4 Toffee Apple Spiced Crumble Tarts
£2.98 per four pack, ASDA
I wanted to like these. A good apple crumble can’t be beaten, and this feels like a legitimate addition to the pantheon of sweet, handheld Christmas pies. But I just really disliked it. While I could tell the filling was made, at least at some point, of real apple, the flavour was so artificial that it tasted like a lollipop. It was far too sweet, the promised ‘spice’ was nowhere to be found – easily my least favourite so far.
1/5
Tesco Finest 4 Rum & Raisin Lattice Mince Pies
£3.50 per four pack, Tesco
There is a certain logic to bringing rum and raisin to mince pies. They already share at least one ingredient. But despite the lovely latticing on top and my genuine desire to like these, I found they just tasted like a pie that had somehow soured. The proportion of filling was good, and I have no strong feelings about the rum and raisin flavour that could ruin this test’s clear objectivity – sadly, I just found the flavour wholly unpleasant.
1/5
Taste the Difference Carol-Mel Mince Pies
£3.50 per four pack, Sainsbury’s
This is a very clear example of a pun-led product. Carol and caramel are similar words, and people like caramel, so why not whack them together in a mince pie and call it a day?
I’ll tell you why. This tasted like you had a Werther’s Original an hour ago and just burped. Threading caramel through mince meat was an unforgivable decision. It was sickly and wrong, with notes of a caramel richness that made the experience worse, not better. The aftertaste lingered, and it once again tasted like something had gone horribly wrong in the manufacturing process. I hated this pie. If we were doing stars, this would get zero stars. Terrible.
0/5
The point at which regret set inExceptional Caramel Florentine Mince Pies
£2.98 per four pack, ASDA
This is another that contains actual mincemeat, but, as the name suggests, with a Florentine on top. Thankfully, as the caramel is very clearly separate from the fruit filling, this doesn’t fall into the same trap that Sainsbury’s did. But strangely, this ended up being more like a caramel pie – the flavour was very subtle, it wasn’t too sweet, but almost the entire pie was a vaguely caramel goo. Practically absent of any dried or candied fruits, and no crispness to the florentine, but otherwise inoffensive.
3/5
The Best Spiced Rum And Ginger Tarts
£3.50 per four pack, Morrisons
At this point, we have firmly left the territory of pretending to be mince pies. This pie made its presence felt the moment the package was opened. The smell of spiced rum and sugar reminded me of a kitchen at uni after a night out.
The offer was rum buttercream topping a caramel ginger sponge in a butter crust. The sponge was disappointing – it tasted like a good ginger loaf that had been left uncovered for a few days. The flavour in the bite was quite dull, and the aftertaste from the rum buttercream was really unpleasant. I am not convinced that outside of specific circumstances rum works in baked goods, and I’ve yet to be proven wrong.
2/5
Gingerbread Blondie Cookie Cup Pies
£3.25 per four pack, M&S
This is the most Frankensteinian concoction on the market. A chocolate chip ginger cookie filled with a fudgey white blondie and topped with a little gingerbread guy. Sure!
It smelled vaguely gingery but somehow tasted like three different flavours of nothing. I will concede that I’m maybe not the primary target audience, but I think these flavours could have made each other shine. Instead, it was just a stodgy, sweet mush with no distinction and a gluey mouthfeel. A rare miss for M&S’s hybrid offerings.
3/5
Tesco Finest Chocolate & Gingerbread S’mores Tart
£3.50 per four pack, Tesco
This tart looked great. The cross-section of the tart and the picture on the box were near-identical, and there was a lovely glaze on the fondant. I really thought it might be nice. But once again, this proved that piling several different flavours into a pastry filling doesn’t inherently work. The flavours need to marry together rather than form a singular, claggy mess. I couldn’t taste any gingerbread, and the fondant was just sweet rather than rich in cocoa. It was just very marshmallow forward and lacked distinction – the only flavour was sweet. Disappointing.
2/5
Tesco Finest Chocolate Hazelnut Frangipane Tarts
£3.50 per four pack, Tesco
Maybe it was naive to think I’d enjoy a lot of these mince pies. There has only been one standout so far. But somehow we managed to save the best for last.
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Frangipane, chocolate and hazelnut all have a home in December. Much like the cranberry and orange combination, this feels familiar and Christmassy, but doesn’t feel like a bad imitation of a mince pie. Eating this felt like a release. There was a lovely nutty flavour, and cocoa richness, and the filling was surprisingly smooth. The pastry had a good bite, it wasn’t too sweet, and I found myself wanting more despite now having eaten 12 pies already. The ideal alternative for the mincemeat avoiders. Delicious.
4.5/5 – WINNER
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