The new drama All’s Fair, starring Kim Kardashian, follows a women-only divorce firm which specialises in helping the rich and famous to separate. The show has been widely panned, described by one critic as “fascinatingly, existentially terrible”.
Sarah*, a divorce lawyer for the extremely wealthy in London, says the series is surprisingly accurate in its portrayal of how the super-rich split. Here, she gives The i Paper a glimpse into the real world of multi-million pound divorces, and why genuine proceedings are often even more scandalous.
I have been a divorce lawyer for the ultra-wealthy for almost two decades and can say there is quite a lot of truth to All’s Fair. Behind that beautiful Farrow and Ball front door, you never really know what’s going on.
Being rich doesn’t insulate you from the messiness of divorce. In fact, some of the worst and most distressing things I’ve seen, and some of the biggest breaches of trust between couples, have happened among very wealthy people because they’re so insulated by their resources and their circle. This means it can take longer for social services or the police to get involved.
I have an equal mix of male and female clients, and I’ve been to countless clients’ houses and been shown jewellery or expensive art. They invite me over because they want to show me what they intend to take. Do I think they will be able to keep the expensive art hanging in their living room, for example?
As for the money involved, I’ve dealt with cases up to £100 million, the ultra-high net worth category. The more typical London divorce might be around £5 million, especially with house prices. Many people find themselves technically wealthy because of property, even if their cash situation is tight.
Being on the ultra-wealthy end, with hundreds of millions, can make things both easier and harder. Easier, because there’s more to give (they are more likely to part with a large lump sum, say £10 million). But it’s also sometimes harder because the person with the money has usually made it themselves, and is very protective of it. They approach it like a business negotiation. I once had a client from California whose prenup was all based on her producing children with him. She refused to sign.
Sarah Paulson plays a divorce lawyer in ‘All’s Fair’ (Photo: Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. )Among the very wealthy – often Russian clients in London – I see huge ice-block diamond rings on fingers. There are frequently questions about whether they can keep the rings, even before they’re married or divorced.
I’ve also had clients refuse to meet inside because they’re paranoid about their partner’s security systems, both staff and cameras. They’re worried they’re being tracked or listened to, so they have to be very careful.
Once you’re separated, there are rules about privacy, but these aren’t always respected. For example, a solicitor might write a letter and include a detail that could only have been known because my client was being listened to. That kind of thing happens more often than people realise. Clients often record each other. We then have to deal with whether those recordings need to be handed over.
I’ve had bizarre moments, too. A man once brought in a pair of silk knickers and put them on the table. “She’s not wearing these for me, so who’s she wearing them for?” he said in the meeting. It’s ridiculous; but these things happen.
People are also very careless; they buy gifts like jewellery or underwear on joint accounts, and then when the financial disclosure happens, it all comes out. I always warn clients that the thing their partner won’t want to hand over, and it’s usually the man, will be the credit card statements. That’s where the real secrets are: the hotel bills, the flowers, the lingerie, sometimes even cosmetic surgery bills for the secret girlfriend. If you’re in legal proceedings, you can request those statements, but if someone refuses, it tends to raise even more suspicion.
There are also endless arguments about who keeps the pets, which becomes a point of emotional contention. It’s quite sad, really. “I sleep with it in my bed so I should keep it” is a common argument.
Prenups are another big area. They’ve only really become common in the last 15 years, so older marriages often don’t have them. When there isn’t a prenup, there’s more scope for disputes. I’ve had clients who’ve claimed to have lost a ring, and they clearly haven’t. They’re just hoping to never give it back.
Chattels [movable possessions like jewellery, furniture, or art] take up a disproportionate amount of time in divorces. People get incredibly emotional about things, even when the value is relatively small compared to the legal fees spent arguing over them. Tens of thousands of pounds can be spent on something worth £2000.
If there is a prenup, it should ideally specify that personal items like jewellery stay with whoever uses them. So if I wear a ring, it’s mine; if something is inherited, it stays with that person. Otherwise, these disputes can drag on for months.
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In terms of patterns, I’ve found that most men leave when they already have another relationship lined up, whereas most women don’t. Women tend to leave because they’ve reached the end of their patience and are ready to be on their own. Men often don’t tell anyone about their new relationship until later in the proceedings, when suddenly the secret girlfriend is pregnant – and that can have real implications for financial settlements.
There’s a recurring theme where men don’t want women to stay in the family home, even when it’s best for the children. It’s seen as shameful for them to move out. They also often resist sharing pensions. Lately, crypto assets have become a big issue, as well as hidden debts. I’ve had cases where one partner has secretly taken out loans in the other’s name. Sometimes, people discover after decades of marriage that everything they thought was theirs isn’t. Instead, they own the debts. It’s devastating. In those cases, it can move beyond family court into criminal or tax proceedings.
It’s a high-stress job, but I genuinely enjoy it. I like helping people divorce better, if that makes sense. Nobody wants to spend money on a divorce, but there are better and worse ways to go through it, and I try to help people do it in a kinder, more constructive way. It’s very reactive work. They are also usually very angry and upset, and that means I am in the firing line. They often take all this rage out on me.
If I had one piece of advice to anyone looking to divorce, it would be to get good advice early. Understand what the process looks like before you start it, because once you set things in motion, it’s harder to pull back. Build a good team around you (get legal, financial, and emotional support from your friends) and plan your approach before telling your partner. Once you’ve told them, you lose an element of control.
There’s one line in the Kim Kardashian show where the character says, “divorce happens to the best of us,” and I think that’s so true. What I’ve realised is that the breakdown of a marriage, and all the shame, abuse, and hurt that entails, has no respect for wealth or demographics. These are universal themes that affect people, no matter how wealthy they are.
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