Knight of the round table ...Middle East

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Need a birthday card? You can now buy one that has Alan Carr on the front saying, “How old? I’m flabbergasted!” A canny publisher has swiftly responded to the buzz around the comedian’s antics in The Celebrity Traitors and proved what we suspected – banishment and victory aside, the show already has a winner.

Carr’s stand-out role was clear from the off, the moment his selection as a Traitor proved the counterintuitive punchline of a gift that producers picked up and ran with. Even his two fellow Traitors laughed out loud when they first saw their co-conspirator, and it meant from day one, the comedian has been central to events – his “can’t keep a secret for toffee” schtick weaponised to clownish, thrilling effect.

You get the impression that his housemates would be reluctant to banish him even if they had their doubts. As Lucy Beaumont reflected, “It wouldn’t be Carry On Traitors without Alan.” Indeed, who else would punctuate a tense Trojan War challenge by shouting out to Clare Balding, “You’re going to love this, there’s a horse”? Or recruiting Celia Imrie to play badminton – “We need a bit of wind”? Gimlet-eyed Celia was one of the few to consider his possible treachery – “It would be remarkably clever” – but he escaped even her Round Table vote, and he’s proved just as irresistible to viewers. What’s his secret?

Well, the list of players in this ratings juggernaut is a snapshot of the spectrum of British celebrity. There are the newbies on the rise – from now-banished content creator Niko Omilana and actor Ruth Codd to singer-songwriter Cat Burns, but their focus on the game, and relative youth, means they present as blanker canvases. So, too, do the other actors, including Nick Mohammed and Mark Bonnar. The latter aroused doubt thanks to one player having just seen him be a duplicitous egg in Line of Duty. “Stop watching it,” shrieked Bonnar, which must be a first for a jobbing thespian.

At the other end of the scale are those so widely and long established – such as “big dogs” Stephen Fry and Jonathan Ross – that their brands have proved bigger than them. Stephen Fry survived the first three weeks with barely a word against his name, thanks to him simply being Stephen Fry. But he spoke the truth when he reflected, “It’s not often in our sheltered world we are put in a position where we have no idea how we are going to react.”

That worldliness, along with his wit, has made for both a delightful celebrity and a dastardly Traitor. It’s been Alan Carr’s Scottish castle – everyone else is a mere houseguest.

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