Gaslighters can do some nasty things and be very cruel, of course. But their top trick for keeping you hooked includes being sour... then sweet."A top trick a gaslighter may use to keep you hooked is alternating cruelty with kindness," shares Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist. "They may criticize or belittle you one moment and then shower you with affection or validation the next."Dr. Saidi agrees, referring to this common gaslighting tactic as "intermittent validation.""It's basically hot and cold behavior," she explains. "Think: Showering you with love, compliments and attention, and then suddenly pulling away or ignoring you."Related: 14 Genius Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting, According to Psychologists
Why This Gaslighting Trick Is So Harmful
When gaslighters are in "kind mode," they may shower you with grand gestures. One psychologist shares that the aim here is to slowly, surely and subtly push you to put them on a pedestal. "Then they begin to challenge and question you, suggesting your memory is fallible, your emotions are excessive and unreliable or your mental health is unwell," says Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, the Chief Psychological Officer with Recovered.org and the author of Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide to Heal from Emotional Abuse.Troublingly, gaslighters often charm the pants off of your people, giving themselves another layer of protection against questions, comments and concerns."The gaslighter reduces those who might believe you if you were to reach out for support, keeping you isolated and under their control," she warns.Unfortunately, it's all a facade."While at first glance it may look like consideration with grand gestures or apparent generosity, every move is calculated to improve the gaslighter’s outward appearance and social control," she shares.Related: How To Deal With a Narcissist, According to a Psychologist
2. Bashing people close to you
Dr. Leno shares that gaslighters will often find any excuse to point out ways you need to change, disguising it as "well-meaning" and "caring" advice."They might point out a TV character who 'keeps making bad decisions—just like you,'" she reports. "At first, it seems innocent, but it can start to bother you—and for good reason."Related: The 10 Earliest Signs of Emotional Manipulation To Look Out For, According to Psychologists
4. Making excuses
5. Downplaying your feelings
"You're too sensitive" and "you're overreacting" are default phrases gaslighters use."Instead of validation or empathy, you receive dismissal," Dr. Saidi shares. "Over time, this can make you doubt your own feelings and rely on their version of what is real.Related: 105 Toxic People Quotes To Help Get Rid of the Negativity in Your Life
The No. 1 Tip for Dealing With a Gaslighter
Related: 'Why Is Everyone So Mean to Me?' 8 Common Reasons—and What To Do About It, According to Psychologists
Sources:
Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., is a psychologist with Thriveworks.Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist.Dr. Deborah Vinall, Psy.D., LMFT, is a Doctor of Psychology, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, the Chief Psychological Officer with Recovered.org and the author of Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide to Heal from Emotional Abuse.Dr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele.Hence then, the article about psychologists reveal the 1 trick gaslighters use to keep you hooked was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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