It might seem silly at first, but positively talking to yourself can work wonders. While words can't cure you of mental illness or sickness, they do have a lot of power, especially if you're hyping yourself up and boosting your confidence with positive self-talk. As an adult, you probably know how good it feels to say positive affirmations to yourself, either during guided journaling or meditation. Or how big a difference it makes to incorporate more positive self-talk into your daily routine. But these—along with other positive phrases—are also so important in childhood too, and caregivers might overlook that.If you’ve landed on this page, it could be because you’ve done some reflecting and are looking to learn more about how your childhood experiences (or lack thereof) shaped you into the person you are today. Or maybe you're a parent and want to make sure that you're doing everything you can to raise your kid properly and give them a good foundation. Either way, it's important to know that there are common traits that people who weren't told "I'm proud of you" in childhood can develop as adults, and they're not all that positive. Parade spoke to psychologists to learn about the importance of parents—and caregivers, in general—providing their children validation and positive affirmations, such as “I’m proud of you.” They also share the qualities people might develop if they aren’t told this at all or enough during childhood, along with how to heal if this is you.Related: How To Validate Someone’s Feelings, According to a Clinical Psychologist
How Important Is Positive Affirmation From Parents?
Before diving into the details of some common traits people who didn't hear “I’m proud of you” as kids often develop, Dr. Santorelli notes that it’s important to recognize that while not receiving positive affirmations such as the one above can contribute to these traits, it is typically not the only factor that causes them.
2. Lack of identity
If a child doesn't hear this specific encouraging phrase from caregivers, they might not develop an apparent understanding of who they are or what they enjoy doing.“One of the most common traits a person may develop when not provided positive affirmation as a child is a lack of identity or a clear sense of self,” says Dr. Cynthia Shaw, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and owner of Authentically Living Psychological Services. “When a child isn't encouraged to explore interests, self-expression and different narratives or is met with indifference, they may feel unsure about who they are, what they like and what they believe in, leading to insecurity, low self-esteem and interpersonal inferiority." Related: 6 Signs of ‘Chronic Fawning,’ According to a Clinical Psychologist
4. People-pleasing
Just as you might expect (and it is similar to perfectionism), many people who didn't hear that their parents were proud of them in childhood develop people-pleasing tendencies or traits. Dr. Shaw notes that people-pleasing often refers to someone participating in activities even if it’s to their detriment to receive external validation.“This person has a frail sense of self and is seeking affirmations and validation from others, as they desire belonging, acceptance and connection,” she shares. “They become highly skilled at reading people, anticipating the needs of others, and performing at a high level in order to fill the need for praise.” Related: A Clinical Psychologist Is Begging ‘People-Pleasers’ To Start Doing This One Thing
6. Depression
Dr. Connors-Kellgren notes that some individuals may, unfortunately, develop depression if they lack validation and reassurance from their parents growing up. While depression may not be directly attributed to the lack of being told this specific phrase, if a person develops other traits we've listed, they might end up with depression as well due to those comorbidities, so to speak.“Low self-esteem, low motivation and a poor sense of self can all contribute to depression, including low mood and negative perceptions of the world,” she explains. Related: 7 Signs of ‘High-Functioning Depression,’ According to a Columbia-Trained Psychiatrist
8. Self-doubt
Dr. Santorelli points out that a person who wasn’t told this specific confidence-boosting phrase in childhood might struggle with self-doubt, causing them to frequently second-guess decisions.“Without hearing 'I’m proud,' or other positive affirmations in your childhood, you may not have built a strong sense of inner confidence, so doubt becomes your default,” she shares.
9. Insecurity in relationships
How To Heal From Lack of Childhood Validation in Adulthood
While people usually benefit from being told “I’m proud of you” in childhood, it's not "game over" for those who weren’t told this (or not told enough). They can absolutely heal from this in adulthood. Though it may take a bit longer to recover as a grownup—since the brain loses some plasticity—it is not impossible. There are several methods one can use to not just heal their inner child, but also their adult brains. Dr. Connors-Kellgren notes that therapy can be one way to work through childhood wounds. And for those who can't go to formal therapy sessions, there are other activities they can add to their daily lives to support their healing process. “Ultimately, the work involves noticing your own accomplishments and positive attributes and providing positive reinforcement to yourself (including your inner child),” she says. “You can also recruit loved ones to be intentional about providing affirmation to you in a thoughtful and consistent way.” Dr. Santorelli adds that journaling and writing down affirmations can also be helpful. Up Next:
Related: People Who Were 'Entitled' in Childhood Often Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
Sources:
Dr. Alice Connors-Kellgren, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and Director of the Developmental Trauma Clinic at Tufts Medical Center. Dr. Noëlle Santorelli, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia.Dr. Cynthia Shaw, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and owner of Authentically Living Psychological Services.Hence then, the article about people who weren t told i m proud of you in childhood often develop these 9 traits as adults psychologists say was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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