I’m not alone: a 2024 survey by Uswitch found that nearly a quarter of 18- to 34-year-olds never answer their phones, often opting to ignore the call, respond via text, or search the number online if they don’t recognise it. Additionally, more than half of this age group associate unexpected calls with bad news, contributing to heightened anxiety around phone conversations.
So, I set myself a challenge to do something about it: call 30 different people in 30 days.
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The first few calls felt clumsy. I rehearsed scripts in my head, terrified I’d run out of things to say. But something unexpected happened – within minutes of each call, I relaxed.
After calls like this, I felt a lightness. Instead of feeling drained as I usually do after socialising, I felt more energised. It was such a contrast to the dread I’d felt for so long, but psychologist Nadia DiLuzio says that my reaction makes more sense than I realised.
She also notes that phone calls can feel safer for socially anxious people than in-person meetups because you can control the environment – you’re in your own space, with the ability to end the call politely if you need to.
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A couple of weeks into the challenge, I discovered I’d been living inside what psychologists call the “liking gap” – the tendency to underestimate how much other people enjoy our company.
Every time someone said, “I’m so glad we arranged this call” or “This has made my day,” my internal narrative shifted. It made me wonder how many connections I’d let fade because I assumed the other person wasn’t interested. The challenge wasn’t just about reaching out – it was about retraining my brain to trust that connection is reciprocal, not one-sided.
She also says that while passive social media use (scrolling) can increase loneliness, active communication – like phone calls – has the opposite effect. “Hearing someone’s voice triggers physiological synchronisation,” she said. “You start to match tone and pace, which fosters closeness and can be energising.”
Equally surprising was a call with someone from university who I didn’t know anything about. When I rang him, he was mid-hanging a photo frame on the wall which sparked a conversation about how he’s just moved into a house and what he did for work (a primary school teacher). We spoke for an hour and a half and I felt so connected to him after – someone I hadn’t seen or spoken to in 10 years.
“The challenge wasn’t just about reaching out – it was retraining my brain to trust that connection is reciprocal, not one-sided”
By week three, I no longer hovered over my phone, rehearsing my opening line. I stopped worrying about awkwardness and started looking forward to conversations.
For many in my generation, phone calls feel outdated or even invasive. We’re used to the safety of typing a message and editing before hitting send. But that comes at a cost: the absence of tone, rhythm, and spontaneous laughter. Calls also cut through the performative element of social media. And unlike group chats or Instagram DMs, calls feel like dedicated, intentional use of time. That, I realise, is rare.
Since completing the challenge, I’ve kept the habit alive – not daily, but weekly. I’ll see someone’s name and think, I should just call them.
“Connection requires risk,” she tells me. “The risk of rejection, the risk of awkwardness. But most of the time, those risks don’t play out – and the reward is worth it.”
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