Dr. Bobby says there are a few different ways to define a gaslighter, depending on the context of the situation, but she gives a general overview, explaining, "A gaslighter is someone who's attempting to destabilize your trust in your own perceptions, your judgment, and your point of view." Over time, dealing with a gaslighter can erode your ability to trust yourself.She also thinks it's important to note that the term "gaslighting" has become really popular in our culture and we should understand that not everyone who disagrees with you is actively gaslighting you. "Not everyone who has a different perspective is trying to manipulate you," she adds. "In every conflict, people have different points of view. Just because someone doesn't share your perspective doesn’t mean you’re being gaslit. And if you label someone's communication style as 'gaslighting' when it isn't, that can actually damage your relationship. Ironically, they might feel like they are being gaslit by you. It’s a really interesting dynamic."Related: 11 Subtle Signs of Gaslighting To Look for in Your Relationship
Why It's Hard To Communicate With a Gaslighter
This may sound overly simple, but Dr. Bobby says you'd be surprised how good true gaslighters are at being subtle. It may take you a while to pick up on the nuances of their behavior, but once you learn to recognize patterns of manipulation, you can immediately shift gears and reinforce healthy boundaries.
2. Refuse to participate
Once you start to recognize gaslighting for what it is, Dr. Bobby says it's important to speak up for yourself and call this behavior out. She shares a polite way to do this without escalating the situation: "You might say something like: 'I understand that you're trying to make me question my own judgment. I know what happened. You may have a different perspective, but please do not invalidate mine. If there's no room for my point of view in this conversation, then this isn't a conversation I’m willing to keep having.'"
4. Set strong boundaries
The most important relationship you'll ever have is with yourself. If you truly want to learn to outsmart a gaslighter, Dr. Bobby says you need to create a strong relationship with yourself. Knowing your values, sense of self-worth and self-respect are all key elements in having a good relationship with yourself. When you know who you are and treat yourself with respect, you're less likely to fall prey to gaslighting.Related: 4 Common Habits of High-Level Gaslighters, According to Psychologists
6. Surround yourself with rational-minded people
7. Seek out the help of a professional
Dr. Bobby stresses that gaslighting is extremely dangerous in the context of relationships. While it's great to build a set of skills and tools that you can use against a gaslighter, it's also important to prioritize yourself and your happiness by looking for ways to get out of the relationship. Gaslighting can leave a lot of emotional damage in its wake—you can seek the help of a therapist to help you work through any residual trauma. A therapist can also help you to heal and give you the tools to avoid a relationship with a gaslighter in the future.
How To Stay Mentally Strong When Dealing With Gaslighting
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Related: This Is the #1 Response a Gaslighter Cannot Stand, According to Psychologists
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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, founder, and CEO of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching.Hence then, the article about how to deal with a gaslighter according to a psychologist was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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