You are allowed to experience and prioritize happiness and joy. “After years of ‘adulting’ (and possibly even overfunctioning), choosing pleasure, ease or rest is not a luxury—it’s an act of liberation and you have earned it,” says Dr. Santorelli. “You’re allowed to enjoy your life just because you’re alive.” Part of this can include not apologizing for saying "No" or setting boundaries.Related: 11 Boundaries Every Woman Should Set by 40, According to Therapists
2. Your Past Choices
Not only are you meant to evolve as you age, but your relationships do too. Some relationships once served you, but no longer do, can leave you feeling drained or unseen, says Dr. Ferrari. While you may feel inclined to apologize for outgrowing a relationship (or multiple), it is not necessary. Licensed psychotherapist, Rebecca Marcus, LCSW, also adds that it's okay to outgrow people who "no longer align with your values.""Letting go isn’t failure—it’s growth, and it creates space for deeper, more fulfilling connections," she says.
4. Not Wanting to Reinvent Yourself
You are allowed to control how much access people have to you and when. This includes when you text or don’t text back. Just because society emphasizes instant gratification doesn’t mean it automatically applies to you. “You’re allowed to be tired, busy or simply not in the mood to chat,” says Dr. Ferrari. “Constant access isn’t the same as true connection, and anyone who cares about you will understand that.”With this in mind, you can either choose to completely ignore the message for the moment or respond in a manner that firmly and respectfully lets the other person know when you will be available to engage in a fruitful conversation. While not texting back immediately may seem like a small action, it can go a long way to help you protect your peace as needed.
6. Not Having It All Figured Out
Just like you did as a child, you need rest at 50 (and older) to help maintain optimal health. You should never feel the need to apologize for resting, regardless of how much (although Cedars Sinai recommends between seven to nine hours of sleep nightly).“Wanting time for yourself isn’t withdrawal, it’s self-care and repair,” says Dr. Ferrari. Dr. Santorelli also adds that "you don’t have to prove your worth through exhaustion.”The people and obligations in your life who truly care about you would never make you feel as though you needed to apologize for tending to one of your most basic needs as a human being.
8. Taking Up Space
While spending time socializing and connecting with others is healthy, you should stop apologizing for wanting to spend some time alone, too. After all, you’re the one person who knows yourself best. “You enjoy your own company, and that’s not something to explain or fix,” says Dr. Santorelli. Besides helping you to recharge for yourself, spending time alone can help you to recenter yourself to better show up for your loved ones.
10. Your Appearance
Related: 9 Subtle Ways You Could Be Self-Sabotaging Your Happiness, According to a Psychologist
Sources:
Dr. Noëlle Santorelli, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia.Rebecca Marcus, LCSW, is the clinical director and founder of RM Psychotherapy and a licensed psychotherapist.Dr. Christie Ferrari, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist and the founder of Assertive You. Read More Details
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