DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I go to someone’s house, is it rude to say “Beat it!” to their dog when it tries to jump up on me or lick me?
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to a local social media group that lets people loan and borrow items.
I recently posted a query asking to borrow a piece of equipment I’d need after surgery, and someone graciously responded.
I’d like to include a token of my gratitude upon returning the item but have no idea what, since this person is a stranger to me. Can you suggest something?
GENTLE READER: The surgery and the need for the equipment is what connects you to this stranger, more so than any candle or coffee store gift card.
Miss Manners is certain that your heartfelt gratitude, in the form of a gracious and appreciative handwritten letter, will be thanks enough. That, and returning the equipment devoid of any bodily fluids.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m seeking some guidance on how best to navigate my dietary restrictions with grace.
I have celiac disease, meaning I cannot tolerate gluten in any form. Even trace amounts of cross-contamination — such as using the same knife to butter regular bread and my gluten-free bread — can cause me severe illness.
Thankfully, my husband is incredibly supportive and follows my diet at home, so that’s not an issue in our household.
For family gatherings, I typically bring my own meal. While I realize this isn’t the most conventional approach, my family and I have discussed it, and everyone understands that it’s not about rejecting someone’s cooking, but about my medical needs.
The real challenge arises when dining out. Unfortunately, most restaurants don’t have the protocols in place to safely accommodate my restrictions. Early in my diagnosis, I tried calling ahead to confirm that my meal could be safely prepared, but many restaurants simply couldn’t guarantee that. Even when they made an effort, cross-contamination often happened by mistake.
When I’m invited out by friends who may not fully understand my dietary needs, I generally decline the invitation to avoid making them uncomfortable. If they insist, I explain that my dietary restrictions prevent me from dining out.
While some drop the subject, others suggest I bring my own food or simply join them without eating. The former feels disrespectful to the restaurant, and the latter isn’t very enjoyable — though I do love their company, watching others eat food I can no longer enjoy isn’t quite the same.
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GENTLE READER: “Meals are difficult for me, but how about coffee or a drink?”
If Miss Manners were the betting sort, she would put money on at least one of your friends responding by saying they do not drink alcohol or coffee. Which may make the solution harder but your friends’ empathy toward the problem infinitely stronger.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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