We all have memories that live in our hearts. Our first kiss, graduation, our wedding day, the dates our first children were born, our first pet and memories of loss. Some of our memories are good and some are not so good and carry sad or painful thoughts when we think of them. Sometimes it is difficult to see the silver lining. As a counselor more than not I deal with the latter. One of the most difficult sessions is counseling with an individual, family or child that is dealing with the loss of a pet.
As an owner of many pets, I am deeply moved and saddened by the loss of one. The two pets that come to mind are Rocky a blue heeler and Dally a white/yellow Lab. When they came into our family, they were a year apart in age. Thoughts of loss and death were non-existent as we loved and cherished them. They were always together. They played together, ate together, slept together and often trouble found them together. Rocky ran like the speed of lightning around our property leaving Dally in the dust but looking back for Dally as if to say “come on catch up.” She never did.
Dally, as most labs, loved the water and our neighbor would let her swim in his pond. She would come home full of mud with a big smile on her face. Rocky was content to stay in the yard catching bugs or fireflies. Both dogs were gentle with children and adults alike. Dally was a bit growly. That was the ridgeback in her. She was extremely loyal to me and I loved that she was my protector.
Rocky and Dally loved their siblings, Moxie and Holly our two cocker spaniels, who were sisters and their oldest sibling, big brother Ace, our black chow. Aggressive? He did have a mean bark and disliked our mail carrier. To us he was loyal. He loved us and protected us. These dogs lived together and got along for many years. We called them The Five Amigos and we thought they hung the moon.
Pets provide unconditional love, companionship and nurturing. An example of the extraordinary bond between animals and humans is when we came home after losing Dally, I felt overwhelmed and overcome with grief. Adi, our silky terrier, jumped in my lap and literally licked away my tears while she was whimpering. Surviving pets grieve for their siblings especially if they had a close bond. They need lots of care and love.
A pet’s loss may trigger other memories of loss of family and pets alike. Sometimes we are reminded of our own mortality. For children, a pet’s loss may trigger feelings of fear that other loved ones may be taken from them. They may feel depressed and guilty that they could not save their pet. In counseling while allowing the expression of grief, and the sharing of feelings, children often want to know if their pet is in heaven. I tell them the story of the Rainbow Bridge where all animals go after death to wait for their loved ones.
The grief process after losing a pet is similar to the grief process after losing a loved family member or friend. It is individual to each person.
Dally was lucky to have been cared for by two excellent vets and their staff located in Windsor, Dr. Arun Rustgi and Dr. Robin Downing who celebrated her life with us. In a special card we were given The Mourner’s Bill of Rights” that states:
You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
You have the right to feel a magnitude of your emotions.
You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
You have the right to treasure your memories.
You have the right to move towards your grief and heal.
A complete copy can be found at centerforloss.com.
We have raised 12 fur babies in our home and we have loved them all. One day my husband and I were talking about our fur babies. He asked “if God said I could have one dog back who would it be?” He said God would say Rocky, our blue heeler, but my husband said “no, I would say to God I would want all of them back.” A true fur baby lover.
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