And this week, lo it came to pass. Sir and Lady Beckham: completed it, mate.
He ensured he was cleared of alleged involvement in a 2013 tax avoidance scheme that would have meant he was ineligible for a knighthood, made nice with the Windsors at every possible opportunity, and stood for 12 hours in the public queue to pay his respects to the late Queen in Westminster Hall in September 2022.
The feud is so oddly familiar you could be forgiven for assuming David had engineered it as part of his knighthood campaign, to give him more in common with King Charles.
Could this rift – which David is, understandably, said to be devastated by – be karma, though? He never appears to have doubted that he deserved to be knighted, but there is of course, the small matter of him being accused of taking blood money from the evil Qatar regime to be the face of the 2022 World Cup in stadiums which migrant workers died building.
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The optics of the happy family have always been an important strand of Brand Beckham, too. Yes, they’re rich, famous, glamorous, live in mansions, fly on private jets, hang out with celebrities – but underneath all that, they’re just like us. A mum and dad who love their kids. It’s the most normal, down-to-earth thing about them.
Even if it is, it’s also pretty boring and can only make everyone else compare and despair. Much more juicy, not to mention newsworthy, for there to be beef. To know it’s not just you who can’t stand your in-laws. To analyse every post for cryptic messages, and gossip, in the manner of over the back fence with your neighbour about the family across the road, but on a grander scale.
It’s also comforting for us, the little people, to know that even being rich and famous doesn’t mean your charmed life is problem-free. No, Siree.
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