“Historically, it's a marriage between two people, a man and a woman who identify as gay,” Faderman explains, sharing that, in the 1950s, “gay” was the term that they used to use for both lesbians and gay men. Dr. Bengry, who is also Faculty of History at the University of Oxford and Senior Visting Research Fellow at King’s College London, adds that, while every lavender marriage did include at least one queer partner, it was not always so cut and dry. He explains that lavender marriages could also include one queer person marrying a straight partner.“In each case,” he says, “legal, state-sanctioned marriage protected the queer partner(s) socially and economically.” Related: Lesbian Bars Near Me': Where the 34 Remaining Lesbian Bars Are in America
Why Choose a Lavender Marriage?
The first, and perhaps biggest, reason to enter a lavender marriage was the safety that it offered the partner(s). “A lavender marriage provided safety and protection by obscuring the homosexuality of one or both partners who were assumed to be straight if they were legally married,” Dr. Bengry tells Parade. He describes the protection that it offered queer people both from legal persecution as well as societal.“Lavender marriages could also protect people from disapproving families and communities, which could include anything from disappointment and being disowned to danger and outright violence,” he says. Faderman agrees with this sentiment, commenting that it was “dangerous to be gay historically,” and that these lavender marriages—as well as regular relationships, which Faderman calls “lavender tandem” and “front dating”—offered safety, as well as “access to places they could not have gone [as] same-sex couples."
It Offered Friendship and Community
“The color lavender has had a long association with homosexuality, so the term ‘lavender marriage’ plays with this link,” Dr. Bengry explains. “Lavender, then, references the homosexuality of one or both partners, and the queerness of the marriage.” There is speculation as to the exact origin of the use of the term "lavender" in regards to LGBTQ+ people. As CNN reported, the use of this term dates back as early as the 7th century BC with the lesbian poet, Sappho, who spoke of a former female lover and the “violet tiaras” they shared. Other examples of lavender—or different hues of purple, such as violet—being used in reference to the queer community can be traced to the 1940s through the 1960s, a period of time known as the “Lavender Scare,” where, in conjunction with the government’s Red Scare fight against communism, homosexual workers were targeted by the government for their sexuality. The term “lavender menace” was also coined in 1969 by author and activist Betty Friedan who sought to exclude lesbians from the second-wave feminist movement. This phrase was soon reclaimed by lesbians as an act of resistance, per them. Related: 25 Best Gay and LGBTQ+ Romance Movies of All Time, Ranked
Historical Examples of a Lavender Marriage
Faderman agrees. “His agent, Henry Wilson, arranged for him to marry the agent’s secretary, Phyllis Gates,” she says. “And the public loved that because Rock Hudson was such a male star, a very sexy icon for straight women. And… his marriage to Phyllis Gates gave them something to fantasize about.” While the most infamous example would be Rock Hudson, Faderman also cites “Alla Nazimova, the very famous vamp on the silent screen,” as being in a lavender marriage as well. Related: Here's How To Be a Straight Ally to the LGBTQ+ Community
Are Lavender Marriages Legally Recognized?
Because lavender marriages are official marriages done through the appropriate channels, Dr. Bengry states that there is no reason for them to not be recognized as legitimate in the eyes of the law. “Others might find the marriage suspect,” he says. “But no law forbade queer people from keeping their sexuality a private matter and marrying another person, even another queer person, so long as they were not the same sex.”
Up Next:
Related: 50 Pride Month Trivia Questions and Answers To Test Your LGBTQ+ Trivia Knowledge and Honor Queer Communities
Sources:
Dr. Justin Bengry, queer historian and founder of the world’s first MA in Queer History at the University of LondonLillian Faderman, lesbian, LGBTQ+ historian and “the mother of lesbian history" Read More Details
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