Why is food always so bad at BBQs? Allow me to explain ...Middle East

But, of course, there will be fuss, and we will wait ages, while everyone gets trollied.  There will be the donning of the crass slogan apron and wielding of giant tongs, amid humble-bragging over marinades, debating whether or not it’s “hot enough” or “too hot”. Oh, and then a last-minute panic over what to serve the vegan friends, whose food preferences have been known since uni a decade or more ago.

The sun came out and the great British public flocked to garden centres and hardware stores like moths to a smoky flame. But why does almost every barbecue still disappoint? Given all this enthusiasm, might we actually learn to cook over fire? No, instead we endure the annual ritual of burnt sausages with raw centres, dryly blackened chicken drumsticks, and veggie burgers that resemble ice hockey pucks.

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How the health experts do BBQs and picnics

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: for many men, the barbecue is the only place they cook. Indoors, they still behave as if the kitchen is someone else’s domain. But outdoors? Open flames, slabs of red meat, the primal call of smoke – it all gets terribly, stereotypically, “masculine”. Those tongs become tools of honour. Yet, behind the bravado, very few of us actually know what we’re doing.

Barbecue culture is oddly performative. We fetishise the kit, the rubs, the cider-soaked wood chips, but we rarely focus on the fundamentals. Cooking times. Resting. Keeping the lid closed. Arguably, most of the great pitmasters are patient, methodical people. Not something you often find in a British back garden after three pints and two hours of sun.

So this summer, I’m on a quiet mission. No theatrics. Just learning, slowly, how to barbecue well. Not “Instagram well”, but edible well. I may not master brisket by August, but perhaps a sausage that doesn’t require a warning label. Maybe that’s the real spirit of barbecue season: not a shiny grill or the macho posturing, but the joy of learning something new. Preferably without poisoning your guests.

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