His wife Chelsea experienced a 26-hour birth with Rowan that left Mr Nesbitt fearful he would lose either one or both of them – even when the family got home. He said he was too scared to leave the house as a result.
“Pain relief wasn’t working for Chelsea so it was heartbreaking to see her go through so much pain and feel helpless not being able to do anything. They realised Chelsea had got an infection and were worried it was sepsis.
When Rowan was born, he was unresponsive and needed resuscitation, Mr Nesbitt said.
Postnatal depression is a common problem, affecting more than 1 in every 10 women within a year of giving birth. But it can also affect fathers and partners, according to the NHS.
Mr Nesbitt hopes that by speaking about his experience, other new fathers will feel comfortable to talk about their own mental health.
“But it is important for people to understand that men can suffer from postnatal depression too.”
Alex with his wife Chelsea and baby RowanAfter suffering from anxiety attacks, he was eventually signed off work by his doctor for a further five weeks. “The extra time has allowed me to support my wife postpartum, bond with my son, and process what has happened,” he said. “It also allowed me to seek support from my GP and I have started cognitive behaviour therapy. I still have my struggles but thankfully not as bad as those initial weeks.”
He said that he put so much pressure on himself to “be the provider” for his wife Terri, Max, and their eldest son Henry, now seven, that he became “completely burnt out and had no energy or enthusiasm for anything”.
Aidan O’Driscoll with his sons Henry and Max
“The biggest challenge around postnatal depression is that men don’t talk about it because they think it is shameful and it’s not a topic they feel they can talk about,” he said.
Campaign groups The Dad Shift and Movember are calling for changes to be made to statutory paternity leave in order to give new fathers more time with their families during the first few weeks of life.
Alex Lloyd, the group’s co-founder, said the UK’s paternity provision was the least generous in Europe, bad for both mothers and fathers, because it limited the choices families had about who could return to work and who looked after the children.
The groups recently surveyed new fathers online and found many had experienced suicidal thoughts in their first year of fatherhood. Of those surveyed, 82 per cent said that improving paternity leave would have benefitted their mental health, the groups said.
The Government said it is making paternity leave and unpaid parental leave “day one rights” under the Employment Rights Bill, which is making its way through Parliament.
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