Professional success. Check. Buying a home. Check. Finding a partner. Check. Having children. Check.
But in the 2020s, becoming that person who walks around with all of their ducks in a row is now almost impossible for most people.
We buy our first homes later because they’re so expensive. We meet our long-term partners later, partly because we have more choices courtesy of dating apps (a blessing and a curse). We will likely have children later (if we want them), partly because these aforementioned factors have combined to change the way we live in comparison to our parents or grandparents.
There are many very good reasons to feel despondent about these statistics. Young women who want children in their 20s increasingly can’t afford to have them. Buying a home is not as accessible as it once was for people at the start of their working lives without family wealth.
These inescapable biological realities can compound to make it feel urgent to do things young and disappointing when that’s not possible. Nobody wants to be worrying about paying rent in older age or facing the prospect of trying to conceive through IVF.
For instance, studies show that the statistical trend for marrying later has led to a decline in divorce rates. This could be because people who commit to a partner a little later are more likely to have had a few relationships which have helped them get to know and understand themselves. There’s nothing quite like having your heart broken or, indeed, breaking someone else’s to help you grow.
I rushed into buying a home at the first opportunity in my late twenties. I did it with an ex-partner. We didn’t have much cash for a deposit, and I earned a lot less than I do now. As a result, I ended up borrowing a huge amount to buy a one-bedroom flat. If I’d waited a few years, I’d have had a better credit rating, more savings towards a deposit, and a smaller mortgage as a result. Perhaps I’d have been able to buy a two or three-bedroom home instead of a flat.
Having done the things “you’re supposed to do” by the age of 30, before extricating myself from both a relationship and mortgage at the age of 31, I can confirm that hitting so-called “milestones” early doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve made decisions you can or should stand by further down the line either.
square LIFESTYLE First PersonAt the age of 34, I finally stopped caring about life milestones and found happiness
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If our lives were a game of poker, I’d go as far as to say we’ve probably ended up with the worst possible starting hand, statistically speaking.
I prioritised reaching milestones in my personal life without pausing to consider whether the timing was right for me.
But I realise now that, had I waited, everything would (probably) have been OK.I have just turned 37. I am not married. I’m still living in that one-bedroom flat. The sky has not fallen in. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’d go as far as to say things are better now, not despite the mistakes I made, but because of them.
The world, as Chancellor Rachel Reeves keeps saying, “has changed”. Well, nobody knows this better than the under-45s today.
All that is to say, as you age, you come to understand what you actually want. You hone your skills and use your energy to make the most of them. Our obsession with early achievement as a signifier of success means we too often overlook what we might gain when we don’t get exactly what we want.
Young adults today are going to be forced to do the things previous generations did in their 20s in their 30s or 40s by economic conditions beyond their control. So it’s time to stop writing ourselves, or anyone else, off if we bloom a little later.
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