The three things you need to know about someone before divorcing them ...Middle East

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It’s a very sensible piece of advice, which isn’t surprising because Nora Ephron was an extremely sensible woman. But I find myself wondering what it really means, or whether it’s actually possible to divine how someone would be in a divorce before it actually happens. 

I smugly told people who asked fair questions about how I handled dating a man who was still legally married, that I was actually rather pleased because I was getting an insight that most people never get into their partner. 

But if dating someone through their divorce isn’t actually a silver bullet (colour me shocked) how are you actually supposed to know whether you’d mind being divorced from someone? Meg Ryan, who received the advice, says: ‘“I think she meant, is he gonna be a pain in the prenup? Is he gonna act towards you the way you’ve seen him act towards others? Like, just be careful, OK?”’ 

The couple still spend large volumes of time together as co-parents and co-grandparents, and Ferguson remained on good terms with the royal family despite the occasional public toe-sucking snafu. 

Now you might argue that if someone is good at open communication, open to compromise and treats you with compassion, that you’d have no business divorcing them. But that’s not really how life works – marriages end for a litany of reasons, sometimes purely because they’re not designed to last forever.

All hail Fergie, the patron saint of Divorced Women

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There’s an argument that it’s not very romantic to be thinking about divorce when you’re getting serious with someone, but I feel the exact opposite. Planning for how you could extricate yourselves while hurting each other as little as possible is not cynical, it’s pragmatic – and it’s a very grown-up act of love. 

I think a very good starting point is to marry someone who chooses to visit needy friends and relations (good hearted), who always slows down while approaching a zebra crossing (unselfish), and who responds promptly to emails (because in the end, the dissolution of a marriage really does just boil down to replying to an enormous number of emails). 

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