It’s easy to use the words jealousy and envy interchangeably. After all, both emotions can arise when someone else has something we want or when we feel threatened by another person’s success. But there’s actually a difference between the two, particularly when it comes to what we’re afraid of losing or wish we had.In simple terms, envy is wanting something someone else has, while jealousy is fearing that someone will take something we (generally) already have. The distinction is especially noticeable in relationships, although both feelings can show up in different areas of everyday life.Here’s what to know about jealousy and envy, including how psychologists distinguish the two emotions and examples of when you might experience each one.Related: Do You Know the Difference Between Sympathy and Empathy? Most People Get It Wrong
What Is the Difference Between Jealousy and Envy?
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The biggest difference between jealousy and envy comes down to whether you want something someone else has or fear losing something—or someone.
Envy generally involves two people: the person who wants something and the person who has it. That could mean envying a friend’s new house, a coworker’s promotion or someone’s seemingly perfect vacation.
Jealousy, on the other hand, typically involves three people. There’s the person experiencing jealousy, someone they have a relationship with and a third person they perceive as a threat to that relationship.
The American Psychological Association’s Dictionary of Psychology makes this distinction in its definitions. It describes envy as a feeling of discontent or resentment stemming from another person’s possessions, qualities or achievements. Its definition of jealousy centers on the fear that a third party could take away the affection of someone important to you.
In other words, envy is about wanting what someone else has, while jealousy is about protecting what you don’t want to lose.
What Is Jealousy?
Jealousy is an emotional response to a perceived threat to something or someone you value. It’s commonly associated with romantic relationships (either within an established relationship or when someone is competing for another person’s romantic interest), but it can also happen with friendships, family relationships and even professional situations.
For example, you might feel jealous if your partner starts spending a lot of time with someone else and you worry that their relationship could become more important than yours. You might also experience jealousy if a close friend begins confiding in someone new, leaving you feeling as though you’re being replaced.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, jealousy can involve feeling protective of something you have and worrying that it could be taken away. Psychologist Susan Albers, Psy.D., describes jealousy as “a complex and uncomfortable emotion,” while noting that “it’s also a normal feeling.”
It’s important to remember that feeling jealous doesn’t necessarily mean there’s an actual threat. Sometimes, the emotion comes from insecurity, fear of rejection or a lack of trust rather than anything the other person has done.Related: What Is It Called When You Can’t Remember a Word That’s on the Tip of Your Tongue?
What Is Envy?
Envy happens when you want something that another person has but you don’t. It can involve material possessions, career success, physical attributes, relationships or even qualities such as confidence and popularity.
For example, you might envy a friend who gets a promotion you’ve been hoping for, or feel envious of someone who can afford to travel frequently. You might also envy a person who seems particularly comfortable in social situations if that’s something you struggle with.
However, envy isn’t necessarily always destructive. In an episode of the American Psychological Association’s Speaking of Psychology podcast, researchers Jens Lange, Ph.D., and Sara Protasi, Ph.D., discuss how envy can sometimes motivate people to improve their own circumstances.
For example, seeing a colleague succeed might make you realize that you’d like to pursue a similar career opportunity. The feeling can become more constructive when it encourages you to work toward your own goals rather than resent someone else’s accomplishments.
What Are Examples of Jealousy vs. Envy?
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It can be easier to understand the difference between jealousy and envy by looking at how the emotions play out in everyday situations. Here are a few examples.
You feel jealous when:
Your partner gets close to someone new, and you worry that person could threaten your relationship. Your best friend starts spending more time with another friend, and you’re afraid you’ll lose your close bond. A coworker begins receiving special attention from your boss, and you’re concerned about losing your standing at work.You feel envious when:
Your friend buys a beautiful new home, and you wish you could afford one too. A coworker gets a promotion you’ve been working toward, and you wish you had the same opportunity. Someone you know has fallen in love with a wonderful partner, and you wish you could enjoy the same experience.The simplest way to tell the difference is to ask yourself what’s bothering you. Are you worried about losing something, or do you wish you had something another person possesses?Related: Why Do We Say ‘Ghosting’? The Surprising History Behind Dating’s Cutest (and Worst) Term
Can You Feel Jealousy and Envy at the Same Time?
Yes. Although jealousy and envy are distinct emotions, they can overlap, and it’s possible to experience both in the same situation.
For example, imagine you and a friend are both interested in the same person. You might envy your friend’s confidence, appearance or ability to connect with them, wishing you had those same qualities. At the same time, you might feel jealous if your friend starts getting more attention from that person, worrying they’ll win their affection before you do.
In this situation, envy comes from wanting something your friend has, while jealousy comes from seeing them as a romantic rival.
A 1993 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found qualitative differences between the two emotions. Researchers W. Gerrod Parrott and Richard H. Smith associated envy with feelings of inferiority, longing and resentment, while jealousy was more closely associated with fear of loss, distrust, anxiety and anger.
The findings help explain why the emotions can feel similar but aren’t necessarily interchangeable.
Is Jealousy or Envy a Bad Thing?
Neither emotion automatically makes someone a bad person. Jealousy and envy are common human experiences, and what matters is how someone responds to those feelings.
Jealousy, for example, can signal that you’re feeling insecure or that something in a relationship needs attention. Rather than acting on those feelings by becoming controlling or making accusations, it can be helpful to consider where the insecurity is coming from and communicate openly with the other person.
Envy can also provide an opportunity for self-reflection. If you find yourself wishing you had someone’s career, lifestyle or accomplishments, consider what specifically appeals to you about their situation. That might help you identify something you’d like to work toward yourself.
The goal isn’t necessarily to avoid these emotions altogether. It’s to recognize them without allowing them to dictate how you treat other people.
Why Do People Confuse Jealousy and Envy?
Despite their traditional definitions, jealousy and envy are frequently used as synonyms in everyday conversation. Someone might say they’re jealous of a friend’s vacation, for example, even though envious would be the more precise word.
Merriam-Webster acknowledges this overlap in its usage discussion of the two words. While jealousy has traditionally been associated with protecting something, it can also be used to describe wanting something that belongs to someone else. Merriam-Webster’s position recognizes that many educated speakers use the words interchangeably.
So while there’s a useful distinction between jealousy and envy, you don’t necessarily have to correct someone every time they use one word in place of the other. In everyday conversation, both are widely understood.
The next time you find yourself saying you’re jealous of someone’s new car, you’ll at least know which emotion more accurately describes what you’re feeling.
Related: Why Do We Say ‘Cattywampus’? The Surprising History of This Quirky Word
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