We’ve all come across an arrogant person at some point in our lives, whether that’s a distant family member, a sibling, a coworker or even a total stranger. Depending on your personality, you might decide just to ignore them and not engage in conversation. However, if you’re looking to shut them down, then there are ways to do that.
Now, we’re not saying to be mean or rude, but you have more power than you think when it comes to talking someone with a huge ego down from their high horse. The options don’t have to be leave or submit; you can stand your ground, set boundaries and set the tone for how they can move forward with you. You just need to know what to say and how to say it, which can make all the difference.
Ahead, Parade spoke with psychologists about the best phrase to instantly shut down an arrogant person and why it works. Plus, they give more options to work with and how to handle arrogance in the workplace and in relationships. They also share some things not to say that can actually make the situation worse—and nobody wants that. Spoiler alert: When it comes to the moment you deal with this smug individual, the execution actually matters more than you probably think.
Related: Psychologists Say High-Level Thinkers Use This 1 Phrase When They Disagree With Someone
The 1 Phrase That Instantly Disarms an Arrogant Person
When it comes to disarming an arrogant person, Dr. Menije Boduryan-Turner, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist, says to use the phrase “I see your point.”
“Starting with validation not only disarms people quite easily but also sets the foundation for a win-win discussion,” she tells Parade. “Other ways to validate include ‘Tell me more’ and ‘I hear what you are saying.’“
Related: Psychologist Says the 1 Phrase That Instantly Shuts Down an Emotionally Immature Person Isn’t What You Might Think
The Psychology of Why This Phrase Works
Now, there’s a reason that this phrase works when disarming a pompous person.
“It is a disarming technique because, from the start, you engage from a place of validation,” Dr. Boduryan-Turner explains. “Validation disarms the other person by showing them they don’t have to ‘argue’ or debate with you; you are already willing and able to see things from their perspective. Starting with validation not only disarms people quite easily but also sets the foundation for a win-win discussion.”
This can be hard for many people because practicing validation in a difficult conversation often creates confusion. We tend to falsely think that it means we are “giving up” or “caving in,” but in reality, affirmation is an effective tool to disarm and find a path to a healthy negotiation, according to Dr. Boduryan-Turner.
What *Not* To Say: 3 Phrases That Actually Feed Arrogant Behavior
It’s important to understand that there are some phrases that you can say that will likely feed arrogant behavior and make it worse.
1. “Do you have a problem with me? You don’t have to be so rude about it…”
Dr. Emily Soukhanouvong, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist at ChangeWell Psych, says that this gives the other person plausible deniability with “I wasn’t being rude, you’re overreacting” and often causes them to double down rather than back off.
2. “Yeah, you’re totally right… my bad…”
“This kind of forced flattery can feel insincere, and it reinforces that the behavior is acceptable—often at the cost of your own self-esteem, or the long-term health of the relationship if it’s one that matters to you,” says Dr. Soukhanouvong.
3. “You have no idea what this is like”
“When you attack a person’s character to try and get them to reflect on themselves, they tend to be defensive instead of reflective,” says Dr. Shannon Franklin, PsyD, co-founder and Director of Clinical Training at Element Q Healing. “Don’t explain too much about your point either. It will come across as if you are seeking validation from the other person.”
Related: 7 Phrases You’ll Often Hear From a ‘Know-It-All,’ According to a Psychologist
How To Handle Arrogance in the Workplace vs. Personal Relationships
You’ll also want to keep the situation at hand in mind whether or not you’re dealing with arrogant people at work or at home.
When dealing with smug people at work, the environment and stakes are a bit different.
“Specifically, handling conversations with arrogant people at work may ultimately have different consequences than it would in your personal life,” Dr. Boduryan-Turner reveals. “One of my favorite communication tools is timing. Try your best to have a conversation with an arrogant person at a time that works best for you, meaning a time that you don’t feel too exhausted or overwhelmed and are able to stay calm and collected.”
If you’re at work and you can’t get out of a conversation, you can stay aware of your internal experience and try saying something like, “I am short on time (or) I am really tired right now, so I would love to listen to you and maybe get back to you another day.”
Dr. Soukhanouvong adds that at work, social expectations and power dynamics often mean you have to edit your responses carefully.
“At home, you may have more room to be direct, but it still comes down to what matters most: do you want to prioritize being right, or protecting the relationship? With loved ones, you often can’t fully choose one over the other,” she adds.
At home with someone important in your life, instead of arguing about who is right or smartest, Dr. Franklin says to maintain your focus on facts, make a decision and establish boundaries in conversation. If someone interrupts or diminishes you, calmly refocus the person with “I’d like to finish what I was saying,” she recommends, adding, “Your purpose is to defend your space and limit the number of interactions that are competitive.”
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Sources:
Dr. Menije Boduryan-Turner, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Emily Soukhanouvong, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist at ChangeWell Psych Dr. Shannon Franklin, PsyD, licensed psychologist, and co-founder and Director of Clinical Training at Element Q HealingHence then, the article about psychologists say the 1 phrase that instantly shuts down an arrogant person isn t what you might think was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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