If you’ve ever participated in a class, joined a book club, been on a sports team or engaged in basically any group activity in your entire life, you’re probably all too familiar with icebreakers.
An icebreaker is a question or prompt meant to “break the ice” with communication among a new group. It involves everybody going around the room and sharing their responses one at a time. In some cases, icebreakers can be effective and help group members bond right off the bat. But in other cases, they can make people feel uncomfortable, embarrassed and anxious—which is not a great way to unite a group of strangers.
That being said, are there certain prompts to spark camaraderie that work better than others? To learn more, we spoke with Dr. Naomi Torres-Mackie, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist offering individual, couples and group therapy in private practice in Brooklyn. She is also a Clinical Supervisor at Lenox Hill Hospital and the Chief Clinical Officer at The Mental Health Coalition.
According to Dr. Torres-Mackie, there’s one popular icebreaker that she never uses, as it can make people feel uncomfortable and self-conscious—which is the opposite of what one of these prompts should do. Below, she shares icebreakers to avoid and which ones she recommends using instead.
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This Popular Icebreaker Can Actually Make People More Uncomfortable
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In Dr. Torres-Mackie’s opinion, a popular icebreaker that can make people feel “highly uncomfortable” is: “Describe yourself.”
“It is too open-ended and leaves the person way too unsure about how open to be and what level to share at,” she says. “When doing an icebreaker activity, we want to create a space of comfort and openness, not discomfort and uncertainty or self-consciousness.”
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What’s wrong with using “describe yourself” as an icebreaker?
Because “describe yourself” is so broad and ambiguous, it can “create too much discomfort… which invites anxiety,” notes Dr. Torres-Mackie.
“Anxiety thrives in ambiguity, so any time an icebreaker prompt is too open-ended, you’re likely to get responses that are more self-conscious than authentic,” she explains. “And, when someone is feeling self-conscious, it is psychologically more difficult to connect with other people—meaning the purpose of self-consciousness-inducing icebreakers is lost to discomfort.”
The same goes for the similar phrase, “Tell us something interesting about yourself.” Even though it’s slightly more focused than “describe yourself,” Dr. Torres-Mackie says this popular icebreaker is just as bad when it comes to putting people on the spot and making them anxious.
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3 Other Uncomfortable Icebreakers To Avoid
1. “Share your life story in two minutes or less”
Asking people to share their entire life story in a few minutes “creates way too much pressure and can leave the respondent feeling panicked,” Dr. Torres-Mackie points out.
“An entire life story is a lot to share, and adding the time limit is a recipe for a high-stress response,” she states. “A more specific question about someone’s life would do much better to create a sense of openness, authenticity and connection—what we want from icebreakers.”
2. “Where do you want to be in five years?”
“Often, a person’s hopes and dreams are kept private, and an icebreaker situation is not the time or place to ask this kind of question,” says Dr. Torres-Mackie.
Asking individuals where they see themselves in five years “will likely provide more awkwardness than connection.”
3. “Share an embarrassing story”
“This icebreaker is counterproductive because, with a group of new people, there’s not enough trust for it yet,” explains Dr. Torres-Mackie. “Sharing an embarrassing story doesn’t tell others much, besides what gives you shame—and that is not something we’re programmed to share with others until there is a deep sense of trust and safety in the relationship. An icebreaker activity is not the time or place for this.”
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3 Psychologist-Approved Icebreakers To Try
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1. “This or that”
Dr. Torres-Mackie is a big fan of “this or that” icebreakers. These involve everyone choosing between two options, such as cats or dogs, city or country, etc.
“This one is low-stakes; you can decide how personal or impersonal to be, and it provides an opportunity for friendly debate about something that’s not super personal,” she explains. “Also, given that there’s a 50-50 chance that each person will answer in the same way, it’s easier to be open and honest with this question amongst a new group of people. There’s less fear of being the odd person out.”
“This or that” icebreakers also have the advantage of not taking much time, so they work well in quick meetings.
2. “What is your favorite TV show right now?”
“I like this icebreaker because the TV shows someone gravitates toward provide a decent amount of information about them without being overly personal,” says Dr. Torres-Mackie. “Also, there’s usually at least one person in the room who has seen and loves the same TV show, which provides a point of excitement and connection.”
3. “What was the best part of your weekend?”
Asking everyone in a group to share the best part of their weekend “gives respondents an opportunity to share about themselves in an indirect way, which is appropriate for a situation in which individuals are just getting to know each other,” Dr. Torres-Mackie tells Parade.
“When we describe activities we like, we’re describing something about ourselves,” she shares. “Our preferences and tastes are part of who we are. And usually, when we’re talking about pleasant experiences, we do so with a sense of positivity, engagement and excitement that is contagious. This creates a group atmosphere conducive to group bonding, which is really what we want from icebreakers after all.”
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Final Takeaways:
Icebreakers should make people feel more comfortable, not awkward or self-conscious.
Open-ended icebreakers can make people feel uncomfortable. Make sure your icebreakers aren’t too vague. Icebreakers should be short and sweet. Asking “this or that” questions is a great option for groups with short meeting times. The point of icebreakers is to get to know each other without pressure. Questions like “What is your favorite TV show right now?” and “What was the best part of your weekend?” are easy, low-stakes ways for people to introduce themselves.Up Next:
Related: Why ‘Just Be Yourself’ Is Actually Terrible Advice, According to a Behavioral Scientist
Source:
Dr. Naomi Torres-Mackie, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist, Clinical Supervisor at Lenox Hill Hospital and Chief Clinical Officer at The Mental Health Coalition.Hence then, the article about a psychologist says this popular icebreaker can actually make people more uncomfortable was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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