For many parents and caregivers, bedtime is one of the most exhausting parts of the day. Children often resist going to sleep, coming up with every excuse in the book for you, the parent, to keep them awake longer. Maybe they want another story, they’re having a hard time brushing their teeth or maybe they want some cold water. Meanwhile, parents grow increasingly desperate for their kids to go to sleep so they can finally have a few hours to themselves.
Basically, bedtime can be a complicated and stressful dance. However, it doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, according to a child psychologist, there’s one simple nightly habit that can make a big difference in getting kids to go to sleep.
To learn more, we turned to Dr. Amanda Whitehouse, PhD, a New York-based licensed child psychologist in private practice. As she explains, predictability and routine are very important when it comes to bedtime.
“To a young child, the world is new, exciting and stimulating, so predictable and consistent bedtime routines allow their brains and nervous systems to begin to relax by giving them less to experience, process and anticipate,” she tells Parade.
Keep reading for more of her insights into why this key bedtime habit works so well, along with other tips and tricks for a smooth transition to dreamland.
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Why a Healthy Bedtime Routine Is So Important for Kids
“A healthy bedtime routine and sleep schedule are key factors in healthy brain and nervous system development,” Dr. Whitehouse says. “We tend to approach sleep as if it is something we have to trick or force children to do, but really what they need to shift from the excitement and stimulation of the day into rest is predictability and connection, which create a sense of safety.”
As she puts it, the typical components of a bedtime routine, such as reading and playing a bedtime song, “don’t fool kids into falling asleep; they allow their brains and nervous systems to stop monitoring and anticipating new things and end the day by connecting with their safe and trusted adults.”
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This Simple Nightly Habit Helps Children Fall Asleep, According to a Child Psychologist
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The most important habit that Dr. Whitehouse says can help children fall asleep easily is connecting with your kids. As she puts it, parents should “focus on connection, not content” when it comes to bedtime routines.
“Parents often think that a good bedtime routine is the correct series of activities that make a child’s body tired and convince it to sleep,” she explains. However, “the specific activities matter far less than a predictable moment of connection with a safe adult that communicates safety to the child’s nervous system.”
She adds: “At bedtime, parents are often exhausted and ready for a break from their children so they can prepare for the next day, but children want connection and to them bedtime represents separation.”
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Why Connecting With Your Kids at Bedtime Is So Important
“Parents are often stressed, tired and eager to get children to bed so they can have a moment alone to unwind and prepare for the next day, while separation at bedtime likely feels stressful and distressing for the child,” Dr. Whitehouse states. “If the routine is stressful or exhausting for the parent, or feels like another task to ‘get through,’ the child will pick up on that and it will have the opposite effect.”
Because of this, it’s important for parents to tuck away their stress and focus on connecting with their child at bedtime.
“The trick is to find a sweet spot that allows the parent to genuinely enjoy and treasure the end of the day with the child and the child to relax into their connection with the parent,” she shares. “I suggest focusing on what makes both you and your child feel close, rather than what seems to make your child tired.”
These activities may include reading books, cuddling, playing music, singing bedtime songs or “soothing sensory experiences”—so long as they avoid using screens. These activities “are all great ways to cue kids’ and adults’ nervous systems that all is well,” and they also signal to your children that “another great day together will be waiting for them in the morning.”
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3 Other Child Psychologist-Approved Bedtime Habits That Help Kids Fall Asleep
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1. Avoid the overtired trap
“Beginning to wind down before the child starts feeling tired is key to capturing the body’s sleep rhythms, but many parents mistakenly assume that if a child is still physically energetic, laughing or alert that they aren’t tired yet,” Dr. Whitehouse explains.
“This sudden burst of energy can be a stress response from the body signaling that they are overtired and are mobilizing resources to stay awake, especially in younger children,” she adds. “If a child regularly gets a ‘second wind’ at a certain time of night, their sleep window was likely earlier in the evening and the bedtime routine should start before that window hits.”
She suggests observing your kids for early and subtle signs of becoming tired, such as a reduced interest in playing, tired eyes and less coordination or energy—at this point, you should start the wind-down routine.
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2. Focus on regularity, not rigidity
No matter how effective a bedtime routine is, there should always be room for “flexibility around the inevitable bumps in the road,” such as sickness, travel or a new babysitter putting the kids to bed.
“A bedtime routine works best for both kids and adults when it is consistent enough to provide predictability and take the thinking out of bedtime, without being so rigid that it creates additional stress,” Dr. Whitehouse says. “For example, maybe every night the child and the parent each pick one bedtime book, but not necessarily the same books in the same exact order every single time.”
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3. Adapt—but don’t abolish—bedtime routines as kids age
“Many parents believe that once a child is old enough to fall asleep on their own they no longer need a bedtime routine,” shares Dr. Whitehouse. “And while they may not need it they often still benefit from it.”
That said, as kids get older, the bedtime routine should naturally evolve.
“The behaviors may look different, but the predictability and connection are arguably even more important once kids get older, are more independent, spend less time with parents during the day and are navigating the unique relationship challenges of the tween or teen years,” she says. “I encourage parents to continue to find a predictable way to check in with their older kids before bed in a way that signals, ‘I’m still here and connected to you.'” This may include playing a card game, offering a warm drink or giving back scratches.
Up Next:
Related: The Simple Bedtime Tradition Many Families Have Forgotten (And Why It’s Worth Bringing Back), Child Psychologist Explains
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Dr. Amanda Whitehouse, PhD, is a licensed child psychologist in private practice.Hence then, the article about a child psychologist says this simple nightly habit helps kids fall asleep more easily was published today ( ) and is available on Parade ( Saudi Arabia ) The editorial team at PressBee has edited and verified it, and it may have been modified, fully republished, or quoted. You can read and follow the updates of this news or article from its original source.
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