If there is any item that collectively symbolises the callous indifference of late-stage capitalism, surely it is the Hermés Birkin bag. I can think of no greater display of glaring wealth disparity than seeing a Hermés Himalaya Birkin Bag out in the wild, swinging off the arm of someone who thinks nothing of dropping the price of a family home in the north of England on something to keep their keys in.
Look, I know there is more to hate in the world right now than an ugly bag with an exuberant price tag. But every time I see one, I rage at the injustice of living in a world where food banks are rife, but bags are being sold for the price of a hospital wing.
For the uninitiated, Hermés make Birkin bags. Yes, bags – those things we keep old pens and hankies in – only these bags cost tens of thousands of pounds, running to hundreds of thousands for a “rare” one. In fact, the most expensive Birkin ever sold was the original Birkin, which went for $10.1m (£7,619,692.50) last year. For context, that could fund a children’s hospice for a year.
Do these bags do anything truly exceptional? Do they alleviate world hunger or endow the wearer with some kind of superpower? No. It’s just a bag. It has stitching, some metal hardware, and probably somewhere to put your phone, but it’s nothing special beyond the name and the price tag – and that’s the point.
These bags are the preserve of the mega rich and the mega famous. A visual shibboleth that the owner is part of an elite club that requires a complete detachment from your fellow man to enter. They are an aspirational status symbol for affluent attention seekers and little else.
The Kardashians famously have a huge collection, as does Victoria Beckham and the rapper Drake. Anne Hathaway was recently photographed sporting a Bouclerie Moderne Casaque Birkin, a bag which will set you back anywhere between £40,000 to £60,000. (To be fair, that one does have beading on it.)
If you think I am picking on Hermés, I am happy to tell you that I hate all the super expensive designer bags: Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Fendi. But as the Hermés Birkin is the most expensive and coveted of all the uber wealthy bags, I hate them the most.
It’s the excessiveness of it that disturbs me. We all know that a bag should not cost tens of thousands of pounds. It’s ridiculous. If you are someone who drops twenty-odd grand on a handbag, I think you are a narcissistic moron. If you need the whole world to know how rich you are, do us all a favour and just print out your bank statement and tape it to your forehead.
It’s not just the eye watering price tag of these bags, but the sheer audacity of the thing. To carry a handbag that retails for more than a nurse’s salary, when more and more people are living in poverty, is a bold aesthetic choice. It says: “I have so much money that I have transcended the need for utility, morality, or even a sense of shame.” I don’t understand how people aren’t embarrassed to be seen wearing one. It says “f**k you. I don’t care”.
What other conclusion can you arrive at when someone chooses to invest enough money to fund a food bank in something as trivial as a bag? A BAG! It irritates me far more than flashy cars, palatial houses and mega yachts, precisely because it is so pointless and ostentatious.
There is simply no need to spend that kind of money when you can get a handmade bag of equal quality for a few hundred quid – or less if you’re willing to haggle down Leeds market.
And don’t tell me that these mega rich twits also donate money to charities. Frankly, the Birkin bag is a visible symbol that you are not donating enough and could be doing more.
Even if I had that kind of money, I wouldn’t spend it on a bag, because I would feel keenly aware I was being ripped off. But rather than shunning those who indulge in this capitalist porn, the Birkin has become the ultimate status symbol as celebrities, influencers, and gazillionaires all scramble to own one and show it off in glossy Instagram pictures.
Shops that post about the resale value of these bags rack up billions of views online, as plebs like us watch people with more money than we could ever dream about buying bags that could settle the debt of a struggling nation. These people shouldn’t be cheered on; they should be pelted with reasonably priced bags in the street! But instead of rioting, we are worshipping leather and stitching as if they were holy relics. I sometimes wonder if we have collectively lost our minds.
What’s even more confusing about the world of high fashion is that these companies don’t even seem to be particularly nice to their clients. In fact, humiliation seems to be part of the allure. You can’t just go and buy a Birkin from Hermés. They decide who is allowed to buy one, which is why the second-hand market is booming.
Recently, there have been rumblings online that the Birkin bag has had its day and that thanks to celebrity culture, has become over exposed and is now, frankly, a bit “tacky”. While I hope that is true, surely what should bring this nonsense to an end is not that it is “tacky” but that it was and always has been a grotesque display of excessive, unjustifiable wealth.
Wouldn’t the world be a better place, if instead of a designer handbag being the ultimate status symbol, making enough money to cut a huge cheque to a local charity was the goal. If instead of seeing rich people wandering about with rare beaded Birkins, they posted receipts for the donations they made. When people try to defend the cost of such bags, they usually draw on the Sex in the City line, “it’s not a bag, it’s a Birkin”. But it is a bag! And quite an ugly one as well. What we are really looking at is a desire to be seen as rich and a member of the social elite – and that’s why they cost so much.
This is the Emperor’s New Clothes, accessories addition.
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